


Coming Back and Moving Forward

by impalagirl, wilddragonflying



Series: Roleplays [61]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Kreacher is a cat, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moving In Together, but loves Remus, who hates Sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalagirl/pseuds/impalagirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilddragonflying/pseuds/wilddragonflying
Summary: It's ten o'clock at night, and Sirius Black is wide awake. He'd barely been back in the country for twelve hours before he passed out on his bed, the sheets thankfully freshly-washed and the only clean things in his entire house, and now that it's actually an appropriate time for him to turn in, there isn't a chance in hell that he'll be able to sleep. He can't ring James to complain - James was good enough to pick him up from the airport and drop him off at home, but he couldn't even stay for a cup of tea, had a hot date with his soon-to-be in-laws that he couldn't miss. Even if he's home and still awake, he'll be knackered, and they're seeing each other tomorrow anyway. So Sirius is on his own, unless he counts the godforsaken bastard of a cat that is somehow still alive even after he abandoned it nearly three years ago. Either way, the last thing he wants to do is stay in, haunting the house along with the rest of his family. His only other option is to leave.He winds up in a local gay club that he's fairly sure wasn't here when he was a student.





	Coming Back and Moving Forward

It's ten o'clock at night, and Sirius Black is wide awake. He'd barely been back in the country for twelve hours before he passed out on his bed, the sheets thankfully freshly-washed and the only clean things in his entire house, and now that it's actually an appropriate time for him to turn in, there isn't a chance in hell that he'll be able to sleep. He can't ring James to complain - James was good enough to pick him up from the airport and drop him off at home, but he couldn't even stay for a cup of tea, had a hot date with his soon-to-be in-laws that he couldn't miss. Even if he's home and still awake, he'll be knackered, and they're seeing each other tomorrow anyway. So Sirius is on his own, unless he counts the godforsaken bastard of a cat that is somehow still alive even after he abandoned it nearly three years ago. Either way, the last thing he wants to do is stay in, haunting the house along with the rest of his family. His only other option is to leave.

He winds up in a local gay club that he's fairly sure wasn't here when he was a student. It's better than any of the dives he frequented back then, but not by much; he fights his way through the desperate press of bodies to the bar and spends an extortionate amount on a double Jack and coke, resolves to sip it daintily through a straw to make it last as he turns to eye the crowd. He's not really looking, not tonight, but old habits die hard - and he's certainly not complaining when he meets the gaze of a very attractive man with messy, tawny hair and captivating eyes. He smiles.

The stranger smiles back, making his way through the crowd with an ease that speaks to his confidence. He's grinning by the time he reaches Sirius's side, and doesn't quite lean against the bar as he asks, "You new around here? Haven't seen you before."

Sirius grins. "Arrived this morning," he says. "Thought I'd check out the nightlife. Can I get you a drink?"

The other man considers him for a moment, eyes dark with something other than the club's lighting, and he nods, slowly, a smirk sliding into place on his face. "Rum and coke is what I usually get, but I'm feeling... adventurous."

"Adventurous," Sirius repeats, grinning. "I like the sound of that."

* * *

They don't talk much after that. There are far more interesting things to be doing, like drinking, dancing like they're having sex in the middle of the club, snogging against the wall outside and, later, in the back of a taxi on the way to Sirius' place. The man says that his roommates probably won't appreciate him bringing someone back, and Sirius is drunk enough that the state of his house is the last thing on his mind; all he cares about is getting his leg over. Thankfully, the stranger seems to share his view.

They quite literally fall into bed together, and Sirius may never see this man again, he may not even know his name, but he's not going to forget this in a hurry. The stranger fucks like a _dream_ , hands braced on either side of Sirius' head and looking like a force of nature with Sirius' fingers in his hair, tugging the already-messy strands into a wild, well-shagged mess. He makes Sirius come twice before he follows him over the edge, and by that point all Sirius can do is slide his arms around the man's scarred shoulders, laughing breathlessly, silently inviting him to stay.

He does stay. They fall asleep together sometime around three o'clock in the morning, sated and blissed out and all of those good things. But when Sirius wakes up, to a splitting headache and a taste in his mouth like something died in it, he's alone.

* * *

"Prongs!" Sirius crows, hurrying across the busy street to meet his best friend outside of the cafe he was supposed to get to half an hour ago. His hair is a state and he's wearing sunglasses and two-day-old stubble, a testament to the pounding in his head, but he looks as pleased to see James as he genuinely feels. "Sorry mate, I just could not fucking stand up straight this morning. Jetlag, you know. Is everyone still inside?"

James eyes Sirius's hair doubtfully; somehow he doesn't think jetlag is all that made Sirius late, but he doesn't say anything. "Yeah, they are. Just waiting on you, you fake Aussie. Christ, you've even got the accent now."

Sirius winks. "G'day mate," he drawls - and laughs, most of the accent dropping away. "I was away for three years; give me a week, at least. Shall we go in? Can't wait to meet the missus."

James grins. "You're gonna love her," he says confidently. "She brought her best mate, too, so you won't have to suffer being the third wheel."

Sirius rolls his eyes, but he's grinning, too. "You know I don't do birds, mate," he says. "Or have you forgotten that I'm a raging poof?"

James smirks. "I think you'll like Remus," he says with a laugh, then pushes the door open. 

Sirius recognises Lily instantly; while they've never actually met, she's been seeing James for over two years, so of course they've talked on Skype before. He barely glances at the man sitting at the table with her in favour of giving her his biggest grin, and a quick squeeze when she stands up to greet him. "Good to see you, Lils," he says warmly, pulling back to kiss her on the cheek.

"You too," Lily says, her smile just as wide. "Finally." Sirius can tell that she's nervous, but to her credit, she's hiding it well. She tucks a strand of her gorgeous red hair behind her ear and resumes her seat. "Sit down, sit down, James'll get you a coffee. This is Remus, by the way."

Sirius takes in the other man, then, and honestly, he has to say he's surprised. He seems nice enough, but James has woefully overestimated Sirius' reaction; Lily's best friend isn't exactly a looker, with his light brown hair combed neatly, wire-framed glasses slipping down his nose, fuzzy brown jumper that looks like the material came right off a diseased couch in a doss house, and _sweet Jesus_ , are those corduroys? But Sirius smiles at him all the same, extends a hand over the table. "Sirius Black."

"Remus Lupin," is the introduction he receives in return, along with a light handshake. "Forgive me, I don't do physical contact much."

"Oh," Sirius says, quick to withdraw his hand. "Sorry." He covers his embarrassment by pulling his shades off, and receives a sharp _ha!_ from Lily for his trouble. Grateful for the distraction if nothing else, he turns to glower at her in mock indignation. "What?"

"It's nothing," Lily says, her green eyes dancing. "You've just got..." She rubs pointedly at her own collarbone, and right on cue Sirius remembers the man from last night, the way his mouth had felt when he'd sucked a love bite right onto that very spot.

He laughs, and readjusts his t-shirt. "All right, so I'm not just jetlagged. Don't tell Prongs."

Prongs may not be the one they need to worry about; Remus has just made a noise like a cat whose tail has been stepped on, and when Lily looks at him, concerned, Remus's face flushes and he coughs. "Sorry," he mutters. "Just - reminded me of something."

Sirius isn't really sure what to make of that, so he just offers Remus a quizzical smile before he turns back to Lily. "All set for the big day?" he asks, and that's all he needs to take care of the conversation until James gets back with his coffee.

The conversation flows rather easily from there, talk about the upcoming wedding and small talk about various events that have happened in the years Sirius has been gone. Somehow the conversation moves to Remus's love life, and James gets a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You know, you haven't said you're bringing a date to our wedding, Moony. Maybe you should bring that squatter you shagged last night."

Remus splutters, cheeks turning bright red, and he ducks his head, pulling his glasses off and cleaning them before he tosses James a half-hearted glare. "I told you I don't even know his name, you tosser," he grumbles. 

"You sounded like you were quite taken with him before he took you back to his hovel, though," Lily says, amused. "So what if he's homeless? Give him a bath, I bet he'd make a lovely date to the wedding."

Sirius, who has spent much of this exchange feeling the floor tilt dramatically beneath his chair, finally finds his voice. "You-- you told them you went home with a homeless person?" he asks.

Remus is very focused on his glasses. "I told them I thought he was a squatter," he admits. 

"I only got back yesterday!" Sirius cries. "Sorry I didn't roll out the red carpet and break out the fancy crockery!"

And now he has all three sets of eyes on him. James's flick back and forth between Sirius and Remus, and then he starts cackling. " _You_ are his squatter?"

"Fuck off," Sirius complains. "I'm not a fucking squatter. That's my _mum's_ house, by the way. My _dead mum_."

That makes James shut up rather quickly, and Remus, for his part, looks guilty. "I'm sorry," he tells Sirius. "Didn't know how else to describe the place. Would've said something different if I'd known."

"It's okay," Sirius says, sitting back in his chair. He'd like to be more glib about it, but he can't stop looking at Remus, searching the walking disaster in front of him for _any_ trace of the man he was with last night. At first he can't see it at all, but then... There's something in his eyes... Sirius smiles. "It does look like an abandoned crack den right now."

Remus gives Sirius a hesitant smile, then turns the conversation to safer topics. 

* * *

The four of them part on good enough terms, and James doesn't know if Remus sees Sirius again, but he makes a decision to say something to Sirius the next time they see each other, which ends up being the next day. Sirius calls in a favor, asking for help cleaning out his parents' place, and James - like the best mate he is - answers the call with minimal griping. 

"Christ," he hisses, clutching his ankle after having nearly dropped a full bin liner on Kreacher. The cat had, understandably, not taken well to its near-crushing, and had taken its anger out on James's ankle before darting off somewhere into the bowels of the house. "How the _fuck_ is that thing still alive?"

"I think the neighbours have been feeding him," Sirius says darkly, stuffing the library's curtains into yet another bin liner with far more aggression than is necessary. "He's probably been right up their arseholes this entire time, but for some fucking reason he still lives _here_ , and he's still a twat to me."

"Didn't you kick him down the stairs once when you were a kid?" James asks, pulling down some of the absolutely hideous knick knacks from the shelves. 

"Maybe," Sirius says, shrugging. "I don't know. He probably deserved it."

James shakes his head, the two of them lapsing into silence for a few moments before James breaks it "So. You brought Moony here?"

"Well, I didn't know who he was, did I?" Sirius grumbles. "I didn't even bloody recognise him. What's all that about, anyway?"

"Like a goddamn chameleon, isn't he?" James laughs. "What you saw yesterday is how he usually looks. He only dresses up at night, when he's looking for something."

"Like somewhere to stick his cock?" Sirius asks. He shakes his head. "You should have seen him that night, Prongs. He was fucking gorgeous. And yesterday I didn't even recognise him; he looked like he was auditioning to join the Watchers' Council. _Why?_ "

James shrugs. "He wants to project a certain image, is all he's ever told us," he replies. "But look, mate, you aren't thinking of trying to shag him again, are you?"

Sirius wrinkles his nose. "Not likely," he says. "He was a good shag, but that's it. Especially now I know who he is."

James give Sirius a look. "I hope you're only saying it that way because you just found out he's Lily's best mate, otherwise I'm going to deck you."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "The stuffy librarian thing isn't really my type," Sirius says, "but no, that's not what I meant. Don't shit on your own doorstep, y'know?"

James nods. "Good. Because Remus is my friend, too, and I'd hate to have to punch you out because you just use him, or vice versa."

"You've got nothing to worry about," Sirius tells him. "Honestly. I'm not interested." Before either of them can say any more, there's a crash in the next room that sounds suspiciously like an old and valuable ornament shattering on the floor, and Sirius sees red. "That _bastard_ cat!"

"Do you even care about - " But Sirius is gone, and James rolls his eyes. Apparently Sirius's hatred of the cat outweighs his hatred of everything his family put in this place. With a sigh, James follows to attempt damage control.

* * *

They work until they can't stand to be in the house anymore, and then James invites Sirius over to his place for dinner. The flat he shares with Lily and Remus isn't huge, but it's gorgeous, and it feels like a home - which is far more than Sirius has ever been able to say for his own house. Remus is nowhere to be seen, out or maybe just being unsociable in his room, so Sirius makes himself comfortable in the living room with Lily while James bangs about in the kitchen, trying to cook.

"You did well with this place," Sirius says, looking around. "Can't imagine it's cheap, though."

Lily laughs. "Oh, it's not," she admits. "It was a little bit of a struggle for James and I, but Remus moving in has certainly helped a lot - not just financially."

"Oh, really?" Sirius asks, curious.

"He's a bit of a neat freak, and James and I don't usually clean until we're tripping over our dirty laundry," Lily confesses with another laugh.

"I knew there was a reason you hadn't kicked him out yet," Sirius chuckles. "So how long has Remus been living here?"

"Oh, about a month now," Lily says thoughtfully. "Month and a half, maybe. He tried living on his own for a bit after we finished our MAs, but didn't like it, and splitting the rent three ways has helped all of us."

"That's right, I remember," Sirius says, because James did mention it when Remus moved in - although as far as Sirius can recall, that wasn't quite the story he was given. He grins. "I'm glad it worked out for everyone; I've spent enough time dossing on people's couches the last few years to know that sometimes people just cannot live together."

Lily grins. "Remus and I lived together for a while through undergrad, and until James and I moved in together," she says. "He and James get along well, but I am thankful that that translated to them being able to live together as well. But you've been gone for a while; are you going to stay around after the wedding?"

Sirius gives a casual shrug. "Dunno yet," he says. "Australia was amazing, and you and Prongs aside, England is... pretty shit. So it depends."

"Well, I hope you know we'll be expecting more visits than once every three years," Lily informs Sirius with a friendly shove. 

"So will I," Sirius laughs. "You two should come out to me sometime. You'd love it."

"Out where it's hot and everything is trying to kill me?" Lily demands. "Unless you let me bring along a friend to complain to, then no way."

Sirius waves a hand. "Well Remus can come, too," he says, "although living in a flat without the two messiest people alive for a few weeks might sound like a better offer."

Lily looks affronted, opening her mouth to rebuke Sirius's insult, when there's a yelp from the kitchen, followed by the frantic beeping of the smoke alarm. " _James,_ did you forget to watch the stove again?" Lily demands, launching herself to her feet to race into the kitchen. 

* * *

James had indeed forgotten to watch the stove, and Lily kicks him out of the kitchen to finish dinner herself. The pattern repeats over the next several days, cleaning Sirius's house for several hours and then Sirius coming over for dinner, and when they've finally gotten the main living area repainted into brighter, cheerier colors than the drab greys and blues the late Blacks had chosen(all James could figure was that they were really devoted to their aesthetic), Sirius invites James, Lily, and even Remus over for dinner at his place this time. It's the first time that Sirius and Remus have spoken since that first "official" meeting, and Remus makes a terrible second impression by showing up nearly forty minutes late with take out that has to be reheated. He's moving gingerly, but waves off James and Lily when they offer help bringing in the takeaway, though he does disappear into the bathroom once all of the Chinese is inside. 

He emerges in time to grab his own portion of the food, and after everyone's had a few minutes to dig in, he gestures with his fork to the house. "I like what you've done with the place," he says around a mouthful of chow mein. "Doesn't look like a hovel anymore."

Sirius shoots him a sardonic look. "Thanks," he says. "Hopefully when we're finished it'll actually be quite nice. Might even rent it out."

"Oh, you're not going to stay here?"

"Dunno yet," Sirius says. "Depends."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "On what?"

Sirius winks at him. "Whether or not I find a reason to stay put."

Remus smirks. "Have something pulling you away, then?"

"Nah, not really," Sirius says. He stabs a piece of sweet and sour chicken and bites into it before he goes on. "It's just sort of _better_ over there, y'know? England's a bit boring."

"Well, I wouldn't know," Remus says with a laugh. "Haven't been outside it for years. What makes - what was it, Australia? - Australia so much more interesting?"

Sirius hesitates, thinking. "Everything's just better," he says, a bit inadequately. "The people are fantastic, the places are-- brilliant, truly stunning. The weather, obviously, is a lot better most of the time, although their storms can be quite horrific. And, obviously, it's not England."

Remus laughs. "I suppose it's all in what you're used to," he concedes, ignoring the way Lily's foot is insistently knocking against his chair leg. "What did you do in Australia?"

"Bounced around a lot," Sirius answers, turning away from the glare James is levelling at him to smile at Remus. "Stayed with people in exchange for odd jobs and stuff. Ended up on a farm in the end; _loved it_."

Remus laughs at that. "You're a farmer?"

"Yep," Sirius says, beaming with something like pride. "Worked with the animals mostly. Chickens are funny little buggers."

"Are they? They always struck me as being rather stupid."

"Well, they're a bit soft," Sirius says, "but they're brilliant. Their oldest one, they raised inside with the family pets. She actually thinks she's a dog."

"No kidding," Remus says, amused. "So did you only work with chickens?"

"Come on, Remus," Lily says at last, sounding equal parts amused and exasperated. "Sirius didn't invite you 'round to be interrogated. Let the man finish his tea!"

Sirius laughs, but he does eat a forkful of fried rice before he answers. "I don't mind," he says. "All kinds of animals, actually. Pigs, cows, a few sheep. And then there was the puppies."

Both James and Remus perk up at that last. "Puppies?" James asks, excited. 

Sirius grins. "Their dog had a litter the day I got there," he explains. "They train them up to be working dogs, keep the best of the bunch and then sell the others on to other farms."

"Did you help train them?"

"Yeah, a bit," Sirius says. "They were just starting to get into the really rigorous stuff when I left."

"That's pretty impressive," Remus says, then sends Lily a glare when she kicks his chair hard enough to scoot him over an inch. 

Sirius, now all too aware of the discomfort radiating from his other two guests, tactfully changes the subject. "Well, enough about me. Prongs, how are things at the shop? Have you gotten 'round to giving that knobhead the sack yet?"

That sets James off for the next half hour, and when he's finally done ranting, Remus has excused himself to the bathroom once more and Lily's in the kitchen, so James doesn't feel bad about punching Sirius in the shoulder. "What the hell?" he hisses. "Thought you said you weren't going to flirt with Remus."

"What?" Sirius asks, affronted. "That wasn't flirting! We're getting to know each other!"

James frowns. "I know you're not this stupid, Pads."

Sirius glares. "It's harmless. I don't see what the problem is!"

"What happened to not shitting on your front step?"

"I'm not!" Sirius laughs. "It's harmless, Prongs."

James rolls his eyes. "I reserve the right to say 'I told you so,'" he informs Sirius. 

"What's your problem?" Sirius asks, bemused.

"I don't want to see either of you hurt," James answers honestly. "And if something happens and you _leave_ then you will be."

Sirius shakes his head. "It'll be fine," he promises. "And Remus is a big boy, he knows the score. He's probably not even interested."

James still looks doubtful. "As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure," Sirius says, a look of fond exasperation on his face. "Can we drop it now?"

James sighs. "Alright," he concedes reluctantly, though he silently vows to keep a close eye on his friends. 

* * *

About a week later finds the four of them once again in Sirius's house, this time celebrating having cleaned out the drawing room by eating their takeaway on the carpet, and they're all enjoying the last of their food when something large, fuzzy, and purring loudly enough to shake the walls lands on Remus's lap. The brunette freezes, staring at the creature in his lap, and everyone else gapes. "You didn't get another cat, did you, Pads?" James asks, dumbfounded. 

"No," Sirius says slowly, torn somewhere between awed and horrified, "that's definitely Kreacher."

Remus gaze flicks from the cat on his legs to Sirius. "What kind of name is 'Kreacher'?"

"The only kind that little bastard deserves," Sirius says darkly.

"Little bastard?" Remus asks, doubt clear in his tone as he eyes the cat looking up at him through slitted eyes, still purring like an engine. Slowly, he reaches with one hand and carefully gives the cat a gentle pat. 

"Careful!" Sirius cries. "He scratches like a motherfucker!"

Except... he doesn't. All Kreacher does is close his eyes, his body relaxing under Remus's touch, and he even starts drooling a little. Remus shoots Sirius an amused look. "You were saying?"

Sirius stares at the pair of them. "I... He's never acted like that before," he says helplessly. "Not even with my brother, and my brother _adored_ him."

Remus's brow furrows, but he doesn't say anything, just shrugs and continues petting Kreacher. James and Sirius share a look, and James says, "It's like he's a completely different cat. You don't have catnip on you, do you Moony?"

Remus shakes his head. "I don't own a cat or a dog," he points out. 

"So weird," Sirius says, even as Lily, encouraged, reaches forward to pet Kreacher, too. The cat hisses, and she yanks her hand back an instant later with a yelp.

"That little monster!"

Remus laughs, giving Kreacher a moment to settle back down before he resumes petting the cat, and gives Lily an apologetic look. "I really have no idea why he's doing this," he says, clearly confused. 

"Oh well," Sirius says, shrugging. "If he's cosying up to you then at least he isn't clawing my new furniture half to death."

Remus laughs, appearing to relax even more against the couch he's leaning against at Sirius's words. "Well, I'm happy to be of assistance," he murmurs, gaze centered on the pile of drooling fur on his lap. 

James snickers. "You are going to have to deep clean your trousers though, he keeps drooling like that."

Remus's annoyed face doesn't look all that annoyed at the prospect. 

* * *

"I thought Remus was supposed to be coming?" Sirius asks as he pushes the shop door open. A bell tinkles charmingly overhead and a stressed-sounding voice calls for them to take a seat, promising to be with them shortly. Sirius does as he's told before going on. "He is part of the wedding party, isn't he?"

"He is," James says, foregoing the seat in favor of nervous pacing. "But he had a doctor's appointment. He'll get his suit fitted some other time."

"A doctor's appointment?" Sirius asks. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a check up, but the doctor didn't have any other times available," James says, waving a hand. 

"Fair enough," Sirius says. He checks his watch. "Reckon this'll take long? Could go for a pint after."

"No, I don't think so," James answers. "And I'm definitely going to need a pint. Maybe a dozen."

Before Sirius can answer another disembodied voice coos, "Oh, isn't that sweet!" A moment later, a thin man with grey hair and a twinkle in his eye appears behind the desk and grins at James. "I suppose I don't need to ask who the groom is! Is it Mr Potter?"

James gives the man a harried smile. "I am. You must be Mr Ollivander?"

"That's me," Ollivander agrees, smiling. "Are we waiting for someone?"

"Just us today," Sirius offers. "The other bloke couldn't make it."

Ollivander nods. "In that case, if you'll both follow me, we can take your measurements and get started."

James and Sirius do as directed, but James can't stop fidgeting. "I can't stop thinking that this is actually _real._ Like, I know Lily proposed, I know I said yes, but now that it's just a few weeks away, I can't believe that I'm actually getting married."

"Bit late to back out now, mate," Sirius says dryly. "She'll cut your balls off and feed them to you."

"No!" James says hastily, giving Ollivander an apologetic look when he inadvertently moves too much. "No, I'm not thinking of backing out. I'm just - I can't believe this is real, that I get to marry _her._ "

Sirius rolls his eyes, his expression fond. "You soppy bastard," he says. "You've gone soft."

"Nothing soft about a man in love," Ollivander says wisely. "It comes to all of us in time."

Sirius sniffs. "Not me."

"Maybe I am a soppy bastard, but everyone deserves to be in love and to be loved," James says with a smile. "It's honestly one of the best feelings in the world."

"Jesus Christ," Sirius says, "get me out of here before I turn into a girl."

Ollivander shakes his head and gives James an amused look. "He'll learn."

James smiles back at the tailor. "I hope he will."

* * *

Sirius is running some errands - even though he doesn't plan on _staying_ in the house he has now, he does still have to buy certain necessities - the next day when someone nearly runs him over in an aisle of Tesco, knocking his basket off his arm. The stranger grunts, a pained sound, and then - "Sirius?"

"Remus," Sirius says, much of his initial anger draining away in the face of someone he actually knows. He bends to pick up his basket and offers Remus a smile. "In your own little world there?"

Remus laughs sheepishly. "Yeah, a bit. Sorry for knocking you on your arse."

"No harm done," Sirius says. "Are you all right?"

"As I can be," Remus answers, a wry twist to his mouth. "How'd the fitting go yesterday?"

"Oh, it was hilarious," Sirius says. "I thought James was going to be sick a few times."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Second thoughts?"

Sirius laughs. "You're joking, aren't you? He's just nervous and excited and he still can't really believe it."

Remus laughs. "He hasn't been able to believe it since Lil proposed," he snickers. "I'm not surprised he freaked out yesterday; only sorry I wasn't there to see it."

"Yeah, Prongs said you had a doctor's appointment," Sirius says. "Everything's all right, I hope?"

Remus shrugs. "Same as usual," he replies before changing the subject. "How's Kreacher?"

"As much of an arsehole as ever," Sirius says darkly. "Whatever you did to him, it wasn't permanent."

Remus shakes his head. "I still don't know why he liked me so much," he laughs. "He really has never done that?"

"Not once," Sirius says. "I think he was possessed."

"Oh, come on, he can't be that bad."

"He clawed Lily half to death right in front of you!" Sirius cries. "He's _demonic_."

"He just took a swipe at her, he didn't even leave my lap," Remus protests. "Really, Sirius, don't be so overdramatic about a _cat_ doing cat things."

"Okay," Sirius says, "you come 'round and watch him interact with everyone but you. You'll see."

A suspicious pink tinges Remus cheeks. "I ah, don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Sirius asks with a quizzical smile. "You've been before. Or have you decided you don't like my company?"

Remus gives him an uncertain smile. "Its not that, it's just - I don't think it's a good idea to get... closer." He winces, like he knows just how offensive that could sound. 

Sirius raises his eyebrows. "Right," he says. "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, mate, but our best friends are about to get married. Until I fuck off back to Oz I don't think we're going to be able to avoid each other."

"Right," Remus mutters, and an awkward tension descends over them. "Look, I'm sorry but - I have some more errands to run. It was nice running into you."

"Whatever," Sirius mutters, already moving past Remus. "Tosser."

* * *

"So," Lily says, studying the monopoly board in front of her. "Remus said he ran into you the other day."

"Did he?" Sirius asks mildly. "That's nice."

Lily hums, occupying herself with the game for a moment before she says, "You're still planning on going back to Australia once the wedding's over, right?"

Sirius blinks. "I haven't decided yet," he says. "So far I'm leaning towards yes, but I haven't booked the flights or anything."

Lily glances over to the kitchen, making sure James is still occupied before she says, "I know James warned you off of him, but I think you and Remus could be good for each other - if you stayed or he went with you. Remus needs stability, for several reasons. And I think a bit of that would do you good, too."

Sirius frowns. "What do you mean, Remus needs stability?"

Lily frowns, expression thoughtful. "I can't say much, because it's something you should hear from him," she says slowly, "but there are some things available in London that he needs, but aren't available in most of the rest of the world."

"Right," Sirius says, perplexed. "Okay. Well, he made it quite clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me, so I suppose it doesn't really matter."

"Well, he doesn't get close to people easily," Lily says. "If he thinks you're not sticking around..."

"I didn't ask him round for a shag," Sirius bites out. "We were talking about the bloody cat and I said next time he was here he could see how the bastard thing treats everyone else and he completely shut me down."

"He does the same thing with _all_ relationships, Sirius," Lily says gently. 

"Well, that's just unhealthy," Sirius says doubtfully. "What the fuck."

Lily sighs. "I really can't explain more without Remus's permission; he's touchy about a lot of things. Bit prickly, like a hedgehog."

"I have noticed," Sirius says. He sighs. "Whatever. Prongs has told me to stay away and right now he's not giving me any reason to not do that, so I suppose we'll see how things go."

* * *

Sirius is furious. He came out tonight fully intending to pull, and he came to _this club_ so that he wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing Remus again - so of course the insufferable prat is the first person he lays eyes on as soon as he steps foot through the door. Remus spots him a second later, and they share an uncomfortable glance before Sirius huffs and turns away, heading straight for the bar. It doesn't help at all that Remus once again looks nothing like himself, in a tight grey t-shirt, brown leather jacket and jeans that undoubtedly cling to his arse perfectly. _Twat_.

The two of them manage to avoid each other - despite repeated eye contact - for almost an hour; then, they find themselves standing next to each other at the bar picking up their next drinks. There's a moment of awkward silence, and then - "I swear I'm not stalking you."

"Didn't even occur to me," Sirius says honestly, taking a sip from his latest fruity cocktail. He's already well on his way to drunk and he has no intention of slowing down. "Just here to have a good time."

Remus smiles, taking a sip of his own rum and coke. "Well, you look like you're having it. Mind if I join in?"

Sirius smirks. "Thought you wanted us to stay away from each other."

"Clearly fate has other ideas," Remus laughs. 

"Well in that case, who are we to resist?" Sirius asks, with a pointed glance towards the dance floor. "Shall we?"

Remus gives Sirius a slow once-over, his mouth curving into something not quite a smirk. "Let's."

* * *

They dance, they drink - and then some. By the time they fall into a taxi somewhere around four in the morning, the earlier awkwardness has long been forgotten; they're all over each other, can't keep their hands or their mouths to themselves, and when they get back to Sirius' house and stumble upstairs to the bedroom, they both know exactly where this is going.

Except that the next thing Sirius knows after dragging Remus down onto the bed with him, it's morning, he's fully dressed, and there is a furious cat hissing in his face. "Fucking-- shit!" Sirius yelps, jerking backwards and toppling right off the bed.

Remus jerks awake at the commotion Sirius makes, but it does little to dislodge Kreacher, who simply resettles himself on Remus's chest and starts kneading at his shirt. "What the - Why the fuck am I still in my jacket?"

"Because we fell asleep," Sirius says miserably, pulling himself up to lean on folded arms against the mattress. "How's your head?"

Remus groans, hands coming up to cover his eyes. "Pounding. Also, ow." He reaches up to drag a corner of the blanket over his chest, under Kreacher's paws. "I don't appreciate your claws or drool on my chest," he informs the cat. 

Kreacher meows in his face and settles himself further up Remus' chest, tucking his head into Remus' neck. Sirius scowls. "Unbelievable," he says. "Fuck. Whatever. Are you stopping?"

"Um. If it's not any trouble?"

Sirius yawns, stretches, manages to pull himself to his feet. "Nah," he says. "I need a shower and a fry-up. Yes?"

"Yeah," Remus agrees. "I'd offer to join you for the shower but I don't think Kreacher would appreciate me moving."

"You won't mind if I go first, then," Sirius says lightly, grabbing a towel on his way out of the room. He doesn't lock the bathroom door in case Remus' hangover makes an emergency appearance, but while he's waiting for the water to warm up he does take the opportunity to give himself a long look in the mirror. What is he doing?

* * *

Sirius doesn't see Remus until he's almost done cooking; he's alerted to Remus's presence by a groan that's almost sexual. "Jesus, is that one of James's hangover breakfasts?" 

Sirius scoffs, throwing Remus an unimpressed look over his shoulder. He turns back around pretty quickly, though - partly to keep the eggs from sticking, and partly because the sight of Remus freshly showered, barefoot and carrying his cat is a bit too much to handle while he's this hungover. "The only claim he has to this is that he was _my_ guinea-pig, but yes. Three rashers of bacon, three sausages, fried bread, fried tomatoes, fried mushrooms, black pudding and scrambled eggs." He tips the eggs out onto the plates while he's talking, and nods towards the other end of the kitchen. "Forks in the top drawer."

Remus mumbles something that might be acknowledgment as he shuffles his way over, cursing when he bangs a knee on the corner of the cabinet. Kreacher doesn't move, forcing Remus to shift him to one arm and grab the forks one-handed before moving back to the table, squinting as he puts them down. 

"What's up?" Sirius asks, turning to set the plates on the table. "Oh shit, where are your glasses?"

"Back at the flat," Remus answers, settling into a chair. "I don't usually wear them when I go out."

"I've noticed," Sirius says, more than a little distracted by the way Remus' hair flops into his eyes without gel or his glasses to stop it. "How bad is your eyesight?"

Remus laughs. "You're nothing more than a blob right now," he informs Sirius. "The fork on the table is a silver line. I can eat like this pretty well, though, so don't worry."

Sirius makes a sympathetic sound. "Well, get that down you and we'll get you home."

Remus gives Kreacher - curled up in his lap now - an absent pat. "No rush," he reassures Sirius as he scoops up some eggs. 

Sirius blinks, looks down at his own plate. "Okay."

Remus hesitates. "Unless you want me out of here as soon as possible," he says slowly. 

Sirius shrugs. "I didn't tell you to fuck off the last time I saw you sober," he points out mildly.

Remus winces, and Kreacher seems to realize the cause of it, staring at Sirius with his ears pinned back; they only relax when Remus gives him a scratch under the chin, and Sirius a rueful look. "I suppose I should apologize for how I behaved."

Sirius shrugs. "If you don't like me, you don't like me," he says. He hesitates, and then goes on, pointing at Remus with the half-eaten sausage skewered on his fork. "Drunk you seems to like me though."

Remus's cheeks flush, and his next words are spoken to his plate. "Sober me likes you, too."

"Oh," Sirius says. He smiles. "Okay then."

* * *

They continue to eat in relative silence, and then Remus helps Sirius clean up - which mostly involves handing Sirius plates and utensils, as Kreacher still refuses to leave Remus's arms. Once that's taken care of, however, Remus sighs and gives Kreacher a pat. "I should probably be getting home," he says; he sounds reluctant, however.

"All right," Sirius says. "Do you want me to come with you, make sure you get there all right?"

Remus grins. "That'd probably be a good idea," he concedes. 

"Not a problem," Sirius assures him, already looking for his keys. "Listen, erm, can we maybe not tell James about last night?"

Remus raises an eyebrow. "What, that we almost fucked but ended up passing out? That's embarrassing as hell, of course I'm not telling him."

"Yeah," Sirius says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Suppose."

Remus leans against the wall, absently petting Kreacher as he thinks. "You know, we did have fun that first night."

"Yeah," Sirius says, laughing, "I had a great time. You thought you'd had sex with a homeless person."

Remus grins. "A sexy homeless person, though. Would've liked to have that second round."

"Ah," Sirius says, "well. It probably wasn't a good idea."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"I'm leaving soon," Sirius says. "Or, I probably am. It wouldn't be a good idea to start something."

Remus shrugs a shoulder. "Who says it has to be anything serious? We could just have some fun."

Sirius narrows his eyes. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, either."

Remus rolls his eyes. "Look, if you don't want to fuck me - "

"It's not that," Sirius says. "It's just..." He sighs. "Okay. I probably shouldn't be saying anything, but James _and_ Lily have both warned me to be careful. James especially. They're worried about what could happen if we start something."

Something flashes across Remus's expression too fast to properly categorize. "They aren't my keepers," he says stiffly. "I appreciate their concern, but they don't get to decide who I can and can't invite into my life and in what capacity."

"I think they're just worried," Sirius says. "And it makes sense, in a way. But I suppose you're right."

"If you don't want to, that's fine," Remus says, not looking at Sirius as he speaks, instead focusing on the drooling mess of fur in his arms, "but if you do... Well, you know how to get in touch with me."

"Hey," Sirius says, daring to reach out and lay a hand on Remus' shoulder. "I want to, _trust me_. I just don't want anyone to get hurt."

Remus looks up then, a wry twist to his lips. "We're both adults. We go into this with our eyes open, nobody will get hurt."

"All right," Sirius agrees. "As long as you're sure."

Remus grins then. "Well, I've got things to do today, but send me a text whenever you want to meet up."

Sirius laughs. "I don't have your number," he points out.

"Well, get me a pen and some paper and I can fix that," Remus laughs. 

* * *

Remus does indeed give Sirius his number, receiving Sirius's when the other texts him a quick smiley face before they head out, and that's that - until the next night, when Sirius invites Remus over to his place alone. The sex is just as good the second time as it was the first, and this time Remus doesn't forget his glasses, and Sirius doesn't fall out of the bed in the morning because Remus isn't there for Kreacher to perch on. He explains about letting Lily and James think he's only hooking up with strangers, and he's rarely spent the full night with his hook ups. Twice in three days would be incredibly suspicious. 

Sirius never gives much indication as to what he thinks of that, but he doesn't protest when Remus sends him a rather risque text that night; quite the opposite, as he goes along with it long enough to get them both off before they go to sleep. 

When Remus texts him in the morning, it's not another prelude to sexting, but rather a question pertaining to their duties as best mates of the two getting married. **So, given any thought to the stag party you're supposed to throw for James?**

Grinning, Sirius is quick to reply. **Ofc, its gonna be fkin amazing. Y? U coming??**

**Long as it's not scheduled for the same night as Lily's hen party. She's my sister she gets priority**

**Idk when yet. Whos doing the hen do??**

**Me and Molly. I'm responsible for getting Lily there and home since Molly is planning on getting Lily right pissed**

**Good! Thats wat a hen do is for!! Strippers y/y??**

**For which party?**

**BOTH!**

There's a distinct note of amusement in Remus's reply. **Molly hasn't told me, but I'd assume so at Lily's and since you're in charge of the stag, I'm going to assume yes for that as well.**

**YES! Ud prbly enjoy the ones at lilys more tho ;) can blokes even go on hen dos is that allowed??**

**Mate if you think Lily is letting me duck out of this tradition be damned you've lost it. And idk I think I'll like them both pretty well ;)**

That gives Sirius pause, and he suddenly knows that the wrong reaction could fuck everything up. He deliberates for several long moments before finally finding the words. **Oh. Okay. Cool :)**

He doesn't receive a reply for several minutes, and when he does, it's a simple **So when is James's stag? Pls tell me you didn't invite that deer from the park**

**Prob a couple nights b4. Iv seen the hangover.. Glad u no that story lmao**

**I'll have to ask Molly if she's got a date picked for the hen do yet. I'll get back to you**

**Fab. Wyd tonight??**

**Work,** is the short reply. **Emergency shift. Co-worker in hospital.**

Sirius feels like there's something off here, but he can't exactly question Remus' reasons. **Ok. Nvm then :)**

He doesn't get a reply for nearly half an hour, and when he does it's in the form of a call. Remus doesn't give him a chance to even say 'hello.' "Do you have a problem with me being bi?"

"What?" Sirius asks, beyond confused. "No."

"Really," Remus says flatly, clearly skeptical. "Because it sounded like you did."

"I don't," Sirius insists. "I said it was cool! What was I supposed to say?"

"I don't know, maybe something that didn't sound like you disapproved, or just move on with the conversation?"

"All right," Sirius says, "I'm sorry. I was... surprised, but I don't disapprove."

Remus sighs, making the speaker crackle. "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat," he admits. 

"I really am sorry," Sirius says. "I didn't want to make a big song and dance out of it, but I obviously went too far the other way."

"You didn't go too far," Remus sighs. "I got defensive. Had a lot of people start acting like dicks when they found out."

"Well, it doesn't bother me," Sirius tells him honestly. "I mean, I'm as bent as they come, but honestly? _Boobs_. Boobs are great."

Remus laughs as though he can't help it. "Yes, yes they are - but they've got nothing on well-defined muscles."

"Oh," Sirius says, low and sultry. "Maybe I should join a gym; don't want to get out of shape while I'm off the farm."

Remus's smirk is evident in his voice. "Well, I can tell you at least _one_ person would greatly appreciate that."

Sirius laughs. "Are you sure you're busy tonight?"

"Yeah, I wasn't lying about the emergency shift," Remus answers, sounding truly regretful. 

"Well, I'm not moving back to Australia this afternoon," Sirius says, amused. "What about after?"

There's a hesitation, and then, "Maybe. I'll let you know."

"All right," Sirius says. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I do," Remus hastens to reassure Sirius, "I just don't know what time I'll get off. It'll depend on if the deliveries arrive when they're supposed to."

"Okay," Sirius says, smiling. "I'll leave you to get ready, then. Text me later."

"I will," Remus promises before hanging up. 

* * *

Sirius and Remus end up not seeing each other that night; the only explanation Remus gives is that he pushed himself too far and isn't up to anything but sleep. They continue to talk, however, and two days later, Remus delivers a message from Lily: **Lily wants to get a headstart on decorations for the wedding, so she's commandeering you to help fold napkins and shit.**

**Ace. Chinese or indian on the way in??**

**Chinese. No spices pls the master bath is out and they do weird things to James's stomach I'd rather not be locked out of my bathroom all night.**

**Lmao i remember well cu soon x**

* * *

A few hours later they're all well fed and sitting on James' living room floor. Lily and James are making table decorations while Sirius tries to teach Remus how to fold a napkin into a swan. "No, that's still not right," he says for the thousandth time, though with no less patience than the first. "Here, try it like this."

Remus rolls his eyes, a good-natured smile on his face. "That's still not working," he points out. 

"Okay, okay," Sirius says, scooting over and actually taking Remus' hands in his. "Let's try it this way."

Remus looks at their hands with a raised eyebrow, expression amused. "Lead on, Michael-towel-gelo."

Sirius tries, but it's even more awkward with two pairs of hands trying to fold the napkin, and he eventually gives it up as a bad job, dropping Remus' hands without moving away. "Whatever," he sighs. "I suppose I'll do them all. The only good use for my aristocratic upbringing."

Remus laughs, not making a move to out any distance between the two of them. "I'm sure there's some other use for such an upbringing," he says with a grin. "And there's something to be said for good genes."

Sirius rolls his eyes, laughing. "If you'd met my parents, you wouldn't have a good thing to say about my genes."

"Well, I've got the evidence of good physical genes right in front of me."

"Ha!" Sirius barks out, only vaguely aware that Lily and James have fallen silent. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Lupin."

There's a moment where Remus appears to be giving Sirius and significant look before something occurs to him. "Well, right now it's taking me to the kitchen," Remus declares, shoving himself to his feet and making a hasty exit; Lily's gaze follows him while James turns his accusing one on Sirius. 

Sirius raises one eyebrow, refusing to back down. "What?"

"Why the fuck are you still flirting with him?"

"Oh, piss off," Sirius complains. "It's just having a laugh, we're mates."

"Is that _all_ you are?" James presses. 

"Of course," Sirius laughs. "What do you take me for?"

James smirks. "You don't want me to answer that."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he says, getting to his feet. "Do you want another cuppa? I'm gasping."

"Sure," James says, apparently willing to let the subject drop for the moment. "Need any help?"

"Nah," Sirius says as he collects the mugs. "I'm a big boy." He follows Remus into the kitchen, trying not to walk too quickly, and grins when he sees that the other man is waiting for him. "You're not subtle."

"Neither are you," Remus retorts, looking rather smug. "Don't think I didn't hear what Prongs said."

"Then he can hear what we're saying now," Sirius says, pausing just long enough to set the mugs down before he approaches Remus, his voice low and his smirk filthy. "We'll have to be quiet."

"I'm not the one who has trouble staying quiet," Remus purrs, setting his hands against Sirius's hips, thumbs edging up under Sirius's shirt to brush against his skin. 

"Oh my god," Sirius laughs, swaying ever closer. "Shut up and kiss me."

Remus grins, pushing forward as well - but he uses his hold on Sirius's hips to flip them so that he's the one pinning Sirius to the counter. "As you wish," he murmurs, pressing in for the demanded kiss. 

The move surprises a moan out of Sirius that is thankfully muffled against Remus' lips; he tangles his hands in Remus' hair and pushes a knee between his thighs, and they stay like that for several minutes, necking like teenagers. They only stop when James clears his throat and asks Lily at the top of his voice where she thinks their tea has got to. Sirius laughs and pulls away just long enough to set the kettle boiling before pulling Remus back to him, kissing him again. "Come back to mine tonight," he murmurs, his smile soft and affectionate. "Please."

Something crosses Remus's face, but he nods. "I'm free," he murmurs. "Go on, take their tea back. I'll be back in a minute."

"All right," Sirius agrees, taking a moment to smooth Remus' hair back into its usual neat style. "Don't be too long."

"Of course not."

* * *

Remus shows up that night as promised, and the sex is just as hot and urgent as ever; Remus still doesn't stay over, and apparently doesn't plan to tonight, either - until Sirius catches him in the bathroom gingerly rubbing at his shoulders and neck. Remus meets Sirius's gaze in the mirror, offers him a none-too-convincing smile. "I'm fine."

"Did I hurt you?" Sirius asks, confused. He doesn't think they did anything too outrageous, and Remus was in control like always, but there was one point where Sirius rolled them over so he could ride him - was he too rough? "Come here, let me try."

"No," Remus says, voice sharp. "No, it's - I'm fine. You didn't hurt me."

"Come back to bed," Sirius suggests. "I could give you a massage."

"No." It's short and firm. "I'm just going to head back to the flat."

"Remus," Sirius says, his eyes wide and a little hurt. "You're in pain. At least take some ibuprofen and let it kick in before you go."

Remus hesitates for a moment and then nods. "All right. It's not that bad, though. You don't have to worry about me."

"I-- I know," Sirius says, even though it's a bit of a lie. "Doesn't mean I can't want to look after you."

Remus sighs. "I'll take some ibuprofen," he repeats. "But then I'm heading out."

"Fine," Sirius sighs, turning to leave the room. "I'll get you some."

"Thanks."

Remus stays only long enough for the ibuprofen to kick in. 

* * *

It happens again, more than once, Remus coming over to fuck and then bolting as soon as Sirius notices he's in pain. He doesn't let Sirius ask any more questions or show any more concern than he did the first time, and even seems annoyed that Sirius tries. But they keep seeing each other, keep sneaking around behind their friends' backs and shagging at every available opportunity, and Sirius soon learns to stop asking for things Remus isn't willing to give. He just wishes he could learn to stop wanting them.

Something else they keep doing, of course, is helping with the wedding. It's getting closer now, just a few weeks away, and everyone is nervous - though no one moreso than James and Lily themselves. It makes planning the best stag and hen parties possible even more crucial; they need this opportunity to let their hair down and enjoy themselves, as a distraction from the stress of the big day more than from the marriage itself. Sirius buries himself in James' stag party for an entire weekend, organising it to within an inch of perfection, and when Remus invites himself over on the Sunday night Sirius is all too welcoming of the distraction.

"So the stag do is all set up," he mumbles sleepily afterwards, warm and happy as he nuzzles Remus' bare shoulder. Remus will be leaving soon, but for now he seems willing to let Sirius enjoy the afterglow. "Three days before the wedding. It's gonna be _fantastic_."

Remus sighs. "Same with Lily's hen party," he murmurs. "Same night."

"What?" Sirius groans. "You're kidding. Fuck!"

"Not kidding," Remus sighs. "It was the only night Molly could get everyone together."

"Me too!" Sirius complains. "Fuck's sake. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Remus assures Sirius. "James and Lily's happiness comes first."

"Yeah," Sirius sighs, sliding an arm around Remus' waist and kissing his shoulder. "You're right." He smiles. "They're gonna have a great time."

Remus stiffens when Sirius's arm comes around him, but he visibly relaxes after sighing. "Yeah, I know Lily will, at least."

Sirius chuckles softly. "So little faith in my party planning skills," he teases. "This is the stag do of the century."

"I'm sure," Remus chuckles. "But I'm afraid I'll just have to take your word for it."

"Oh well," Sirius sighs, his eyes closing. "There's always next time."

"Next time?" Remus asks, amused. "Who else are you going to be planning a stag do for?"

"Never know," Sirius mumbles, already half asleep. "Might do yours."

Remus doesn't answer, and by morning, he's gone - as usual. 

* * *

Just as Sirius expected, the stag night goes off without a hitch. Everyone has a great time, but none more so than James, a fact which makes Sirius beam with pride even as he pours the groom into a taxi and slides in next to him. "Y'fuckin' amazin', Pads," James slurs, leaning against him while Sirius gives the driver the address. "So fuckin' amazin'."

"Yeah," Sirius laughs, "I know, I know I am." His phone starts ringing, and he holds out a hand when he sees the name on the display. "Hang on a tick, mate," he tells the driver as he answers the call. "Hello you. We're just heading home. Do you need picking up?"

"Yeah," Remus laughs; there's still plenty of noise behind him, suggesting he hasn't left the hen party just yet. "Molly has something planned just for the birds, so I'm not invited. Being proper kicked out, matter of fact."

"Shitty," Sirius chuckles, while James drools on his shoulder. "On the way, or on the way back?"

Remus hums thoughtfully. "Back," he decides. "Let's go to yours."

Sirius grins, and waves for the taxi driver to carry on as planned. "All right," he says. "See you in a bit."

* * *

Sirius picks Remus up after dropping James off, and Remus makes sure to pay for part of the cab fare when they reach Sirius's place. They barely make it inside the door before they're all over each other, and Remus laughs breathlessly as Sirius sends his shirt flying to snag on the corner of a picture frame in the front hall. "Think we'll get to the sex part this time before we fall asleep?"

"We'd better," Sirius huffs, grinning as he drags Remus towards the stairs. "I want you inside me."

Remus laughs again, going easily; he steadies Sirius when he nearly trips over a step, and neither of them notice when the bedroom door doesn't click shut. "C'mon then; I want to see you ride me," Remus murmurs, kissing along the edge of Sirius's jaw as he works at his pants. 

Sirius groans into Remus' mouth and starts wriggling out of his jeans. "Fuck yes, _hurry up_."

Remus laughs again, taking a step back so he can comply. He shucks his jeans and underwear first, settling onto the bed after retrieving the lube and a condom from the nightstand, his eyes hardly leaving Sirius's body for a moment. "Now who's not hurrying?" he asks, teasing. 

"Can't blame me for enjoying the view," Sirius says, crawling onto the bed so he can straddle Remus' hips and lean down for a kiss. "You're fucking gorgeous."

Remus laughs, his hands coming to rest on Sirius's arse, kneading the flesh in his grip. 

The only warning they get is a furious yowl. 

"Ah, fuck!" Sirius yelps as two sets of sharp claws sink right into his left arse cheek, just below Remus' hand. "Fuck, fucking _twat_ , fuck!" He flails his way off the bed, almost dragging Remus with him, and resurfaces to see Kreacher hissing and Remus-- "Are you _laughing_ at me? You bastard! I think I'm bleeding!"

That only makes Remus laugh harder, falling back against the sheets as Kreacher, apparently having satisfied his bloodlust, settles next to him on the sheets. " _Oh my god,_ " Remus wheezes. "What the _fuck_ did you ever do to him to make him hate you so much?"

"Nothing!" Sirius growls, furious, as he gets to his feet and advances on the cat. "You can fuck off, you little shit, or I'll throw you out."

Kreacher looks supremely unimpressed, tucking his paws underneath him and glaring at Sirius. "Okay," Remus says with another laugh, pushing himself to a sitting position and snagging Kreacher on his way up. "Let me put him out so that you don't get bit on top of scratched."

Sirius glares, but settles himself on the bed, twisting on his side to inspect the damage. "You think you're getting your leg over after this, you're having a fucking laugh," he grumbles. "Fetch the antiseptic out the bathroom, would you?"

Remus grins. "I will," he promises, taking a now-purring Kreacher out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. When he returns a few minutes later, he's carrying the antiseptic in place of the cat. "Here; those don't look too deep."

"Well they sting like a bitch," Sirius complains, holding out a hand for the cream. "That fucking piece of shit bastard animal."

Remus shakes his head, expression fond. "He's always hated you like this?"

"Long as I can remember," Sirius says. "Little shite."

"He does seem like a grumpy little bugger," Remus agrees. "You want a plaster?"

"No," Sirius says, still dabbing gingerly at the scratches. He glances up at Remus with wide, hopeful eyes. "I want you to come and kiss me better."

Remus smirks. "Thought you said I wouldn't be getting my leg over tonight?"

"I'm not asking you to put your cock in me," Sirius says, petulant. "I want a kiss."

"Where?" Remus asks, feigning ignorance. 

Sirius huffs, wipes the excess cream off on his thigh and reaches for Remus. "Please don't be an arse."

Remus moves closer, his smirk softening into a smile. "Sorry. Habit," he murmurs. 

Sirius sighs and snags Remus' hand so he can pull him down onto the bed. "Just come here," he says. " _Kiss me_."

"Bossy," Remus mutters even as he complies. 

* * *

Somehow, miraculously, Remus is still there when Sirius wakes up in the morning. They're naked and tangled up in the sheets together, and even though Sirius' head is throbbing and his arse still hurts, his grin is almost wide enough to split his face. "Mmm, good morning," he murmurs, waking Remus with a soft kiss on the jaw and a softer one on his lips. "Sorry about last night."

Remus returns the kiss, though there's a distracted air to it. "It's all right."

Sirius kisses him again, presses closer against him as his hands start to wander. "I could make it up to you now," he suggests.

Remus indulges him for a minute before he pulls away. "No, I need to get back to the flat."

"Oh, come on," Sirius complains, "it's only early. James and Lily won't even be awake yet."

"Exactly," Remus replies, shifting towards the edge of the bed "I should get back before they wake up."

"Come on," Sirius weedles, chasing Remus across the bed. "You don't have to go right now. Let me blow you at least, to make up for the disaster that was last night."

Remus raises an eyebrow, expression clearly amused. "It was only a disaster for you; I was pretty well entertained."

Sirius could argue, but he feels like that would derail the conversation entirely. "I want to suck you," he says, as low and dirty as he can. "Please, lie back down and let me make you come."

Remus is clearly torn, but he shakes his head regardless. "I really should get going."

Sirius huffs and rolls away. "Fine," he says. "You know the way out."

Remus climbs out of the bed, an awkward silence permeating the room as he gathers his clothes and pulls them on. He hesitates by the door, but all he says is, "See you later?"

Sirius has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah," he says, "whatever."

* * *

Sirius and Remus barely speak to one another in the following days beyond what's necessary to coordinate the last few stages of the wedding planning. They avoid each other at the rehearsal, and when the day of the wedding rolls around, they each take their places beside their friends and choke back tears at the ceremony - and they laugh along with the audience when Lily hauls James in for the kiss that seals their union as husband and wife, fast enough that the officiant barely has time to get out the permission to do so. 

The whole party makes their way to the hall where the reception is being held, and it's not until after James and Lily have had their first dance as husband and wife and have cut their wedding cake(a gorgeous three-tiered confection that Sirius does _not_ want to see the bill for; he's only glad they thought to order a second, smaller cake and do the traditional feeding-each-other gag well away from the first) that Remus approaches Sirius. He looks nervous, as he very well should after the way he'd acted the last time they'd seen each other, and stops a couple of feet away from Sirius. "Do you - Would you care to dance with me?" he asks, gesturing to the dance floor behind him where the party is starting to get into swing. 

Sirius regards Remus for a moment, just taking him in. He looks good today, beyond good, somewhere in between the librarian look he chooses for every day and the sexy club look he puts together when he goes out. His glasses are gone, his hair is soft and a little wavy, and _Jesus_ , he wears a suit well. So the answer is yes, Sirius would very much like to dance with him, would love to wrap himself around Remus and hold on for the rest of the night - but he's still hurt, and he won't give Remus the satisfaction. "No," he says coldly. "I don't think I would."

Remus looks like he expected that to be Sirius's answer; all he does is nod and take a deep breath. "I also wanted to apologize for how I behaved the other day," he says, voice quiet enough to barely be heard over the music. 

"Well, now you've done it," Sirius says, reaching for his pint and taking a sip. "Is that all?"

"I - " Remus hesitates, something clearly on the tip of his tongue, but then he shakes his head. "No, that was it," he murmurs. "Have a good night." With that, he makes to turn and walk away. 

"That's right," Sirius mutters, severely unimpressed, "walk away. Like you always do."

Remus's jaw clenches, and he turns to glare at Sirius. "What else am I supposed to do?" he hisses. "You and I went into this thing with our eyes open, Sirius."

"Yeah," Sirius snipes, "but it doesn't mean you have to be an absolute arsehole whenever you don't have your cock in me. It's called _friends_ with benefits, remember?"

"Maybe I wouldn't get so damn defensive if you weren't constantly hovering," Remus replies hotly. 

"You want me out of your space?" Sirius asks, knocking back the rest of his pint. "Fine. I'm gone." And this time it's his turn to take his leave.

Remus lets him almost leave the hall before he follows; he catches up with Sirius outside. "What the hell is your problem lately?"

"My problem?" Sirius asks, producing a packet of cigarettes from nowhere and lighting up. "What makes you think I have a problem?"

Remus gestures at Sirius's whole body. "Today, and the past several times we've met up. You've been acting weird."

"Well you've been acting like a tosser," Sirius says bluntly, "so maybe I'm not the only one."

"I already apologized for that, but you've been acting - Christ, you've been acting like Lily did when I first got diagnosed!"

That pulls Sirius up short, and he falters with his cigarette halfway to his mouth. "Diagnosed with what?" he asks bluntly.

Remus curses under his breath, apparently having realized his mistake, but he answers nonetheless. "Fibromyalgia. After being diagnosed with asthma."

Asthma. "Shit," Sirius mutters, drops his cigarette to the ground so he can grind it out with the heel of his shoe. "Sorry, you should've said. Fucking _hell_ , Lupin."

"I mostly grew out of it," Remus mutters, defensive. "It's the other thing I have to worry about more."

"Which is another thing you completely failed to mention," Sirius snaps. "I don't even know what the fuck it is."

Remus sighs. "It's a chronic pain disorder. Really low pain threshold on good days, and on bad days I can barely stand having clothes on."

"So I have been hurting you, then," Sirius says, his eyes wide. "Why didn't you _say_ anything?"

"Because _everything_ hurts me, Sirius," Remus snaps. "And I get enough people treating me like I'm going to break in a stiff breeze, that's the whole fucking reason why I never tell anyone unless they outright ask!"

"There's a difference between treating you like glass and treating you like you're not in pain!" Sirius hisses. He sighs, scrubs a hand over his face, takes a tiny step closer. "Christ, Remus. Does it hurt if I touch you? If I kiss you?"

Remus shakes his head. "My meds help a lot."

"But it does hurt when we..?" Sirius pushes, his voice soft.

"Only if I push myself too hard," Remus answers, just as quiet. "Most times I'm fine."

"Christ," Sirius says again, more of a sigh this time. "Should we stop?"

Remus shakes his head. "No," he says firmly. "I don't want to stop."

"Then can you please start trusting me?" Sirius asks. "Tell me what's going on with you; let me help you."

The corner of Remus's mouth twitches upward. "I'll try," he promises. 

Sirius knows that's the best he's going to get, and he's not afraid to grab it with both hands. "What about today?" he asks. "Are you in a lot of pain right now?"

"Not yet," Remus answers. "Not if I get off of my feet soon."

"Then let's go back inside," Sirius says, glancing about them. "But first..."

"First?" Remus prompts, curious. 

"Come here," Sirius says softly, opening his arms. "I want to kiss you."

Remus hesitates for only a moment before he steps forward, fitting himself into the space Sirius has made for him. "Okay."

Sirius sighs as his eyes close, and lets their lips touch in a soft, almost tender kiss. It's brief, but it's enough to make Sirius feel warm and tingly, and he's smiling when they pull back. "Let's go and sit down," he murmurs. "Maybe I'll take you up on that dance in a bit."

For the first time in a long time, Remus actually looks shy as he nods. "I'd like that."

* * *

Remus and Sirius stay only long enough to see James and Lily off on their honeymoon in India. When Molly waves them off, already directing the cleanup, Remus tugs Sirius towards the door. "Come back to the flat," he urges. "James and Lily will be gone for almost two weeks. They're definitely not coming back tonight."

"Oh," Sirius says, his eyes wide. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Remus says, a lopsided grin on his face. "Don't you want to?"

"Oh no," Sirius laughs, using his grip on Remus' hand to pull him in for a quick kiss. "I want to."

Remus grins. "Then come on," he laughs, tugging Sirius towards the street and hailing a cab. 

* * *

Sirius worries in the taxi that it'll be awkward, feeling Remus up in his best mate's flat, but as soon as they're through the door he can't even think, let alone overthink. Sirius pulls Remus in until they're pressed flush against each other, frames his face between both and kisses him, long and slow and tender. "I want you," he murmurs when they break apart, drinking in the flush high on Remus' cheeks, the way his eyes are wide and wanting. He's _beautiful_.

Remus hums, pulling Sirius into another long, drugging kiss. "You can have me, just - not in the doorway, yeah?"

Sirius laughs, kisses Remus again before letting him go. "All right," he says. "Show me your room?"

Remus immediately grabs his hand, twines their fingers together. "Follow me," he says, grinning, and practically drags Sirius down the hall. 

Sirius doesn't take the time to look around Remus' room before he pulls Remus back into his arms, but then he supposes that's not really what he's here for; all he wants to look at is Remus. He can't get enough of the other man as he unfastens his tie and then uses it to reel him into another kiss, dropping his hands to slip under Remus' untucked shirt and feel his skin instead. "I'm yours," he murmurs, kissing Remus' jaw now. "Tell me what you want."

Remus's breath hitches, and he doesn't answer for a long moment. When he does, his answer is accompanied by a gentle tug on the hem of Sirius's shirt. "I want our clothes gone," he murmurs. 

"Yeah," Sirius says, going for Remus' belt. "Want to feel you."

Remus undoes Sirius's belt as his own falls to the floor, taking his trousers with it. "You can," he murmurs, taking Sirius's hands in his before placing them flat against his stomach. "Free rein."

"You sure?" Sirius asks, sliding his hands round to feel the scars on Remus' back. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm sure," Remus promises. "I'll let you know if anything hurts."

Sirius believes him, but his touches remain gentle, almost reverent, as they finish undressing each other. It's not out of a need to be careful or to protect Remus; rather, it's something else entirely, something Sirius can't name. Remus doesn't seem to mind, though, if the way he's touching Sirius is anything to go by. When they're finally naked, Sirius takes Remus' hand and pulls him down onto the bed, on top of him, kisses him slowly as he moves to cradle Remus between his legs. "I want you," he sighs, rocking his hips so that their cocks move deliciously against each other.

"Not as much as I want you," Remus counters, breath hitching. " _Fuck,_ Sirius - "

"Shh, hey." Sirius touches Remus' face, and their eyes meet a second before their lips touch. "I'm yours," he murmurs again.

Remus doesn't answer, or at least not with words. 

* * *

James and Lily are planning to be gone for two weeks, and Sirius stays for one. Sex stays limited to Remus's room, but in the rest of the apartment... Well, they hang out, watch television and movies, occasionally break out the controllers for a few rounds of viciously beating the crap out of each other's gaming avatars, cook meals together, and, in short - do all the things that normal couples do. Except neither of them has said anything about actually becoming a couple. 

That would bother Sirius a lot more if the sex wasn't what it was: slow, tender, almost _loving._ Or at least, it is until a week after the wedding, when Remus pins Sirius to the bed, his kisses biting and his touch hungry. "Fuck," he pants, "Jesus Christ, Sirius, you've got too many clothes on."

"If you'll give me a second I'll happily take them off," Sirius pants, a little taken aback but by no means complaining.

Remus growls, then solves the problem by yanking Sirius's clothes off himself. "Come on, I'm tired of taking it slow."

"Christ," Sirius hisses, beyond turned on as he yanks Remus in for a bruising kiss. "What's got you so worked up?"

"You," Remus growls. "You've been insisting on taking everything so fucking _slow._ "

"That's how I've wanted it," Sirius tells him, because it's true. "But not tonight?"

"Not tonight," Remus says firmly. "Tonight I'm gonna fuck you through the mattress."

And Sirius is beyond on board with this idea, but he has to ask. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Remus growls. 

Sirius' grin is sharp and hungry. "Then get on with it."

* * *

Remus well and truly keeps his promise, and afterwards Sirius is so fucked out that it's all he can do to pull Remus into his arms before he's passing out, sated and exhausted and deliciously sore. It isn't until he wakes up alone the next morning that the rational side of his brain kicks in.

Sirius gets out of bed to wander through the flat naked, and is dismayed but unsurprised when he finds Remus in the bathroom, clinging to the sink while he knocks back some of the heavy-duty painkillers he gets from the doctor. "Fuck," Sirius breathes, leaning against the door frame so that he doesn't go to Remus and make things worse. "Is it bad?"

"Yeah," Remus mutters, grimacing. "I'll be fine, though."

And Sirius does approach now, because it _must_ be bad if Remus is admitting it. "What can I do?" he asks.

Remus shrugs, but it's carefully done. "Not much anyone can do until the pain meds kick in."

Sirius has little to offer except a sympathetic smile. "We'll know to be more careful next time," he says. "Do you want a brew?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "I knew better the last time," he retorts. "And no, thanks; I need something a bit stronger."

"You knew?" Sirius demands. "You went into that knowing you were going to feel like shit this morning?"

Remus shrugs. "I knew it was a possibility, but it was worth it."

" _Why?_ "

"Because I prefer rough sex and I refuse to let this damn disease take that from me," Remus snaps, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Right," Sirius says flatly. "So, what? You haven't liked the way things have been between us this week?"

Remus shrugs, shifting in place. "It's nice, I like it fine - but not all the time."

"So you thought you would _hurt yourself_ rather than just tell me that?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "I told you, I knew it _might_ happen. It wasn’t guaranteed to. I rolled the dice and got a bad throw."

"That's not good enough, Remus," Sirius snaps. "It's not worth it."

"Yeah, well, I'm the one who might end up in pain, so it's up to me to decide that," Remus retorts. 

"Well it's up to me to decide if I want to be a part of that," Sirius snarls. "And I've decided you can fuck right off."

Sirius spins on his heel after that pronouncement, not giving Remus a chance to reply before storming out of the room. 

* * *

Sirius goes back to his place that morning, and doesn't hear from Remus for the rest of the week; he does his best to pretend Remus doesn't even exist, but he has to admit, if only to himself, that he fails rather miserably at that. Kreacher picks up on his foul mood and takes to hissing at Sirius from the doorways, occasionally throwing in a growl for good measure. All in all, Sirius is more than a little pissed and broody when James shows up on his doorstep one night roughly a week later, a couple of days after he got back from his honeymoon. "You look like shit," James announces as soon as Sirius opens the door. "Have you even showered while we've been gone?"

"Obviously not," Sirius says bleakly as he steps back to let James in. "I've been too busy pining for you."

James gives Sirius a considering look. "You've been pining for someone," he decides. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Sirius says. "How was India?"

" _Amazing,_ " James gushes. "It was awesome, getting to see where my family came from, experience the culture for myself."

Sirius grins and starts to lead the way through to the kitchen. "That's great," he says. "I'm glad you had a good time. How's married life treating you?"

James's expression goes dopey. "Wonderfully. Lily is amazing as always, and I keep forgetting this is real when I wake up, until I see our rings."

Sirius laughs. "Sap," he says fondly. "Tea?"

"Please," James says with a smile. "How's Kreacher doing? Still kicking?"

"Still kicking," Sirius says, lifting the leg of his jeans so that James can see the claw marks on his calf. "Still a vicious little bastard."

James shakes his head, grinning. "At this point I'm starting to think he’s immortal."

"Wouldn't fucking surprise me," Sirius says darkly, throwing teabags into mugs and opening the fridge for the milk. "How's things 'round yours? Remus have any wild parties I wasn't invited to?"

"Nah, flat's the same as always," James answers. "He's been a little quieter than usual, but that's it."

"Really?" Sirius asks, somehow managing to sound only mildly interested. "He said anything?"

"Nope," James says, oblivious as he usually is. 

"Oh well," Sirius says, "I'm sure he's fine." He pours the water into the cups, heaps a load of sugar into his own and then turns to hand the other to James. "So what are we doing tonight?"

James doesn't answer immediately, but then he nods, to himself as if he's just made a decision, and announces, "I'm getting you a shag tonight."

Sirius chokes on his first sip of too-hot tea. "Excuse me?"

"You need a good shag," James says, but he's smirking at Sirius's reaction. "And I'm gonna take you out to a club and wingman for you."

"You don't need to do that," Sirius says, rolling his eyes. "I'm fine."

"You didn't curse Kreacher out for scratching you as soon as I opened the door," James points out. "You also haven't been chatting my ear off."

"Doesn't make me any less fine," Sirius insists. "Honestly, I'm just... tired."

James raises an eyebrow. "Sure you are," he says, amused. "C'mon, at least let me buy you a couple of drinks and get you out of this place for a few hours."

Sirius sighs. He knows better than to argue when James is like this. "Just a couple?"

James nods. "Just a couple," he promises. 

"All right," Sirius says, "fine."

James beams. 

* * *

James manages to bully Sirius into showering before they leave, and while the water runs James looks up a few clubs on his phone, settling on one he's heard Remus speak positively about. When Sirius is ready James bundles him into a cab, and spends the drive to the club talking at Sirius about random things, filling the silence between them. Once they arrive, James drags him to the bar and immediately orders them both shots. "Bottoms up," he says with a grin, holding Sirius's shot out to him. 

Sirius grimaces, but takes the shot and downs it readily enough. It's sour, tequila, and he pulls a face. "Another one."

James complies, gesturing to the bartender and ordering two more. "Now, next drink is something you have to drink in more than one go."

Sirius laughs. "Yeah, okay."

The two of them work their way through their next drinks much more slowly, and during a lull in the conversation, James lets his gaze wander over the dance floor; he never said he _wouldn't_ still try to wingman for Sirius, after all. It's not until the third pass that James spots him though, and nudges Sirius. "Hey, look - Remus is here!"

Sirius nearly swipes his glass right off the bar in his haste to turn around. "Where?"

James points towards a corner of the dance floor. "Looks like he's found himself some company," he observes, grinning. "Good for him."

Sirius spots him then, all cosied up with some bloke, and he has absolutely no idea what he's feeling, but he knows that he's done. "I want to go home," he says flatly.

James looks at Sirius, clearly surprised by his reaction, but all he does is nod and pull out his card. "I'll pay," he says, an apology without apologizing. "Meet you outside?"

Sirius is already moving. "Fine," he says, and then he disappears into the crowd.

* * *

Sirius barely talks to James and Lily for the rest of the week, and he doesn't speak to Remus at all - but when Lily texts him inviting him over for dinner, promising Remus won't be there, he accepts. 

And curses that decision as soon as the door is opened. He and Remus stare at each other for what feels like eternity - but is probably only a few seconds - before Remus frowns. "What are you doing here?"

"My _friends_ invited me 'round," Sirius says coldly. "If you've a problem with that you can take it up with them."

Remus blinks, frowning in thought, then curses under his breath. "Whatever," he says, stepping back from the door and leaving it open. "You're early apparently, since they stepped out to pick up dinner."

Sirius scowls. "Well you weren't supposed to be here," he says, "so it shouldn't have been an issue."

"My plans got cancelled at the last minute," Remus says bluntly. "But don't worry, I'll just be in my room. You won't have to see me."

"Ah," Sirius says, before he can stop himself, "so you were supposed to be out with your _boyfriend_ , were you?"

Remus gives Sirius an odd look. "What are you talking about?"

"Your new bloke," Sirius says. "I saw him the other night."

Remus's brow furrows in thought. "What, Connor? I snogged him in a club for half an hour before he got sick from all the drinks he'd had."

Sirius feels sick. "Right," he says. "So he was just, what, a one-off?"

"Well, yeah," Remus answers, clearly becoming more confused as the conversation drags on. 

Sirius' lip curls. "Yeah," he says, "yeah, I bet it was. Has this been going on the whole time? One nighters whenever you weren't with me?"

Remus raises an eyebrow. "No, because that would just be asking for an STD that I'd pass on to you, and no one deserves that. But even if I had, so what? We weren't exclusive, we made that clear from the start."

"Did we really?" Sirius demands. "I don't remember ever saying we'd be seeing other people."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Sirius, we agreed to casual sex, and when you stormed out of here you made it pretty clear that even _that_ was over," Remus snaps, glaring at Sirius. 

Sirius drops his gaze, looking bitterly away. "Well if it's that cut and dry for you then that's fine," he says. "You do whatever you want, Remus, just like always."

Remus sighs, the sound heavy with frustration. "I don't know what you expected, Sirius. I honestly expected you to be back in Australia by now," he says, scrubbing a hand over his face as he turns away. "James and Lily will be back soon, make yourself comfortable."

But Sirius doesn't let him get far. "Don't you throw that at me!" he spits. "Why the fuck do you think I'm still here, you soft bastard?"

Remus doesn't turn around fully, but he does throw Remus a glare. "For James? Or for whatever reason of your own, I'm not a fucking mind reader."

Sirius laughs. "For James," he repeats. "Have you met James? He doesn't need me; he's got a wife and a family and fucking _you_. He's managed perfectly fine without me these last three years, of course I'm not still here for him."

Remus is clearly tempted to throw his hands up in the air, but he crosses them over his chest instead. "Then why are you still here?" he grits out. "Or are you just going to stand there and be cryptic all night?"

"I'm here because of you!" Sirius cries. "I've been on my own for _years_. My parents were barely enough to keep me here, I stayed for my brother, but when they died I couldn't stand the sight of my own house; I couldn't even stand the sight of _James_. So I left, and don't get me wrong, Australia was fantastic, but I didn't belong there. I told you when I met you that I'd stay if I had a reason. After we started up, I thought..." He shakes his head. "But I was fucking wrong, wasn't I?"

Remus's expression goes shocked at Sirius's first words, his eyes widening as Sirius goes on until they're threatening to bulge out of his head by the end of it. "You - _what?_ "

"Forget it," Sirius says, turning away. "Tell Prongs I'll catch him later."

"No, if I don't get to just walk away, then neither do you," Remus snarls. "What the fuck are you on about, you thought what?"

"Nothing," Sirius says. "I thought nothing."

"No, let's get this sorted once and for all," Remus insists. "What did you think?"

"I thought I had a reason," Sirius says. "Because I'm an idiot; because I knew what I signed up for and I started falling for you anyway."

An expectant silence falls, broken by Remus taking a deep breath and admitting, "You weren't the only one. I fully intended for this to just be sex, maybe we'd become friends, but... I don't know. It became more."

But rather than feeling relieved, Sirius is just exhausted. "Don't," he says. "Don't take the piss. I know what I saw the other night."

"You walked out and said this was over," Remus says quietly. "I went out to try to forget about it for a few hours. I didn't go out looking to cop off with someone, it was spur of the moment, and I wouldn't have slept with him. As far as I knew, we were done and you were packing to leave."

"I walked away because I _can't_ stand by and let you hurt yourself," Sirius says. "Because I can't let you use me to hurt yourself. I loved what we had going on that first week. But it wasn't enough for you and you had to push yourself too hard to make me get the message. Well, message received."

"It wasn't enough because I thought it wasn't real!" Remus cries. "Damn it, Sirius, that week wasn't sex, it was _lovemaking,_ and I couldn't handle it because I thought you were still planning on leaving!"

"And you didn't think to ask?" Sirius demands. "Stop making all the decisions for me!"

"What, I was just supposed to walk up to you and ask if you'd fallen in love with me, or confess that's what I'd done? Remus retorts. "You could've done the same!"

Sirius stalls, blinks. "You've fallen in love with me?" he asks.

Remus clearly didn't mean to say that, because he gapes like a fish out of water before turning red as a tomato. "I - Maybe?" he says, but it's weak. 

Sirius' gaze softens. Remus looks so scared, but Sirius thinks he has the answer. "Remus," he says. "Fuck Australia. I want to stay right here, with you. I _love_ you."

Remus looks hesitant still. "You do?"

"Yes," Sirius says, smiling. "Is that okay?"

Remus bites his lip, clearly nervous. "That's... more than okay," he admits. 

Sirius grins. "Will you come here?"

Remus carefully steps closer, looking at Sirius expectantly. "Okay?"

Sirius rolls his eyes, his smile softening into something fond. "Give me a kiss, you big softie."

Remus hesitates for only a moment, searching Sirius's face, before he carefully leans in and presses his lips to Sirius's. 

Sirius sighs softly into the kiss, dares to wrap his arms around Remus - and then the front door opens.

"Oh my goodness," Lily says faintly.

Remus looks up, but he doesn't step away from Sirius. "Well. I can't say I'm surprised," James says after a moment of the four of them all staring at each other. 

"Don't kick off," Sirius tells him, tightening his hold on Remus just a fraction. "I've had enough aggravation for one night."

James raises an eyebrow. "Right," he says slowly. "So, was this a one-time thing, or...?"

Sirius glances at Remus, though he has no intention of lying. "No," he says. "Not really."

James nods. "Okay then," he says, seemingly content to let the matter rest. "Well, we got extra, so you staying, Moony?"

"Um."

"Go on," Lily says, smiling softly. "It's okay."

Remus glances at Sirius, clearly still uncertain. "If it's all right?"

Sirius lets Remus go, rubs at the back of his neck. "If you don't want to, that's okay," he says. "But I'd like you to stay."

Remus hesitates for another moment before nodding. "Okay," he says with a small smile. 

"Great! Now come over here and help us carry these bags," James says cheerfully. 

* * *

They have a pleasant evening, and when it starts getting late Remus sees Sirius to the door, though they don't risk a goodnight kiss with James' and Lily's eyes on them. Sirius potters around at home for a bit, feeds the cat somewhat grudgingly, and is considering going to bed when his phone goes off. He smiles when he sees who's calling.

"Hello, you," he says warmly. "Whatever can I do for you so late on a Saturday night?"

"I uh, just had a conversation with Lily," Remus answers, sounding distinctly nervous. "Was hoping maybe you could help... clarify a few things?"

"Okay," Sirius says slowly. "What could I clarify?"

Remus sighs. "Lily wanted to know if we were really doing this, if you were staying here," he says. "I told her we didn't really get much of a chance to figure anything out besides we really liked each other."

"I think we got a bit further than that," Sirius says, frowning. "Unless you don't?"

"I don't really have any experience with _relationships,_ " Remus confesses. "I don't want to assume anything."

"Okay," Sirius says, "then let's speak plainly. I love you. I don't want to go back to Australia; I want to stay here and be with you. Is that what you want?"

"I - yes," Remus says quietly. "I love you, and I want to be with you. Even if you wanted to go back to Australia, but that would probably complicate things because of health-care." He gives a nervous laugh. 

"I would never ask you to do that," Sirius tells him honestly. "England is your home and... I don't really have one."

"Well, maybe..." Remus hesitates, then takes a deep breath. "Maybe I can help you make one?"

Sirius grins. "That's what I was hoping," he admits.

Remus's smile is evident in his tone. "Well, I don't know if I'm ready to move in tomorrow, but I'm more than willing to help you make England your home."

"You could definitely help me finish this place up, if I'm going to be sticking around," Sirius says, laughing. "It's still basically a shit hole."

Remus chuckles. "Haven't done more than the basics, have you?"

"You know exactly how much I've done," Sirius laughs. "I've been quite distracted of late."

"Fair," Remus laughs. "Maybe I can come over tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Sirius says, "that'd be nice."

"Great; I've got work in the morning, so I should be able to be there a little after noon? I can pick up lunch on my way over."

"Sounds perfect," Sirius agrees. "But if you're up that early I should let you get some sleep."

Right on cue, Remus yawns. "Sorry," he says with a laugh. "But you're probably right. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You will indeed," Sirius says, his voice gone soft and fond. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Remus says, tone just as soft as he hangs up. 

* * *

Over the next couple of months, Sirius and Remus ease into their new relationship; they go on dates, sometimes they just hang out, and while they haven't added sex back to the mix just yet, Remus has come over to Sirius's place and been welcomed enthusiastically back by Kreacher. A lot of their time spent hanging out is at Grimmauld Place, not that Sirius is complaining. He likes having Remus in his space, is starting to think he'd like having him a lot closer, and then - 

Then James and Lily invite Sirius over for dinner one night, and drop a bombshell on them. Remus actually chokes on his forkful of pork. " _What?_ " he splutters once he has enough air to do so. " _Already?_ "

"Yeah," Lily says. She's blushing, but she looks pleased. "It wasn't planned, exactly, but... yeah. I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god!" Sirius cries, exploding into motion as he grabs first James and then Lily in a fierce hug. "That's fantastic, oh my god, Prongs! Prongs, you're having a _baby!_ "

"I know!" James says excitedly, hugging Sirius and then Remus when the latter finally gets himself out of his seat. "We really weren't planning on it, but we're excited. And nervous. But mostly excited!"

"Well, congratulations," Remus says with a grin as he hugs James and then Lily, squeezing Lily gently. "I'm really happy for you two."

"Oh, thank you," Lily says, hugging Remus again. "I'm not due until July so it's still early days, but we couldn't keep it to ourselves. I haven't even told my parents yet."

Remus nods. "I think they'll be excited," he offers. "Petunia and Vernon..."

James grimaces. "Yeah. But we're not going to let them ruin this for us."

Sirius met Lily's parents at the wedding, but her sister didn't come; though he hasn't asked anyone directly, he gets the impression that Petunia and her husband aren't exactly comfortable with James' heritage. He offers Lily a smile. "Who needs people who can't be happy for you when you have us?" he asks. "You're naming the baby after me, right?"

Surprised, Lily laughs. "I don't think the world is ready for two Siriuses at once."

"Sorry Padfoot," James laughs, slipping an arm around Lily's waist. "We've already got plans."

"Rude," Sirius says. "I'm amazing. Why wouldn't you want to name your firstborn after me? I'd name mine after you!"

James laughs. "Well, considering both grandads claimed that right already..."

"Oh god," Sirius says, "your grandads or the baby's grandads? Please don't call your baby Fleamont, Potter, or me and Remus will sue for custody and we _will_ win."

James shakes his head, laughing. "No, our grandparents; we aren't that cruel. We were thinking Harry James for a boy, and we're divided on a girl - I like Lily - " This is said with a dopey, adoring smile - "but she likes Emma. We can't agree on which to be the first name."

"You soppy bastards," Sirius says, but he's grinning. "Oh fuck. I'm so happy for you, mate."

James beams. "Thanks," he says, moving forward to pull Sirius into another hug. "We do know this much, though: You and Remus are going to be godparents."

"Oh _yes_ ," Sirius hisses, turning to offer Remus a high-five. "Best godparents ever!"

Remus laughs, taking the high-five. "With any luck, we will be," he says, grinning. 

* * *

They celebrate late into the night, and Sirius stays after James and Lily go to bed. He doesn't normally sleep here, and he probably won't tonight, but he likes the casual intimacy of cuddling with Remus on the couch with the lights off and the telly playing quietly in the background. Besides, there's also something he wants to talk to Remus about.

"So," he says, nuzzling Remus' shoulder. "A baby. That's a pretty big step, don't you think?"

Remus hums. "Yeah, it is," he murmurs. "But I think they'll be good parents."

"Oh yeah," Sirius says. "It's a lot, though. They'll need more space once the baby comes."

"They will," Remus agrees. "But they won't even get started planning the nursery for a few months yet. Suppose I've got that long to look for a new place, since that's the only other bedroom here."

Sirius takes a deep breath. "Or," he says, "you could just move in with me."

Remus blinks. "You want me to move in with you?"

"Erm," Sirius says, "yeah? Why not?"

"We haven't actually been seeing each other for that long," Remus points out. "Doesn't it seem a bit soon?"

"We're in love," Sirius points out. "You spend most of your time at mine anyway."

"Well, yeah, but that's different," Remus says. "We each have our own space so if something happens..." 

"You think something's going to happen?" Sirius asks. "I'm staying in the country for you; we're supposed to be making a home for us here, and you're going into that thinking we're going to break up?"

"Not breaking up, but a place to cool down after a fight," Remus protests. "Couples fight, Sirius."

"Where do Lily and James cool down after a fight?" Sirius asks.

Remus shrugs. "They've never had a huge fight while I've been around."

"James comes to me," Sirius says bluntly. "We don't talk about it, we just play on the PlayStation and smoke until he's ready to go home."

"Right. Well, I still - I appreciate the offer, Sirius, but I'm not ready for that step."

"Fine," Sirius says, almost snaps. "That's all you had to say."

There's an awkward silence, but Remus doesn't seem terribly inclined to break it, not for a while. Eventually, he mutters, "Sorry."

Sirius huffs. "Yeah," he says, "me too. Maybe we should just call it a night."

Remus nods, clearly reluctant, but the pleasant atmosphere has been ruined. "Okay. I'll text you later?"

"Yeah." Sirius gets to his feet and grabs his jacket, and only then does he look at Remus. "I love you," he offers.

Remus takes a deep breath, offers Sirius a smile. "I love you, too."

* * *

Remus and Sirius do text over the next couple of days, but they don't call - which is notable because whenever Remus doesn't stay at Sirius's house, they have a call before bed. Lily and James pick up on the awkwardness between their friends, but there's not much they can do; not until they drag Sirius and Remus on a double date with them. Sirius is the last to arrive, and while Remus looks happy to see him, they don't share a kiss the way they usually do when they greet each other. "So," James says, clapping his hands together, clearly attempting to move past the awkwardness. "Which movie are we seeing again?"

"The new _Alien_ film," Sirius says, shoving his hands into his pockets. "We've got about half an hour."

James nods, and the four of them head into the theater; Remus pays for his and Sirius's tickets, handing Sirius's over with a small, almost shy smile. They pay for their own snacks and drinks, and the line for that takes up ten of the thirty minutes they had before the movie, and by the time they manage to get into the theater and into seats, they've got five minutes left. "Good thing we got here early," Remus mutters in an aside to Sirius. 

"Yeah," Sirius says. "We got good seats, though. You can hold my hand if it gets too scary."

Remus grins. "I'll take you up on that."

* * *

Remus keeps his promise, grabbing for Sirius's hand at one point and not letting go throughout the rest of the movie. They all exit the theater talking about the movie, and Lily and Remus break off to head to the loo while James pulls Sirius out of the flow of foot traffic. "Alright," he says, tone uncharacteristically serious. "What's going on with you and Remus?"

"Nothing," Sirius says. "It's fine, leave it."

"C'mon, Sirius - it's obvious that something happened," James wheedles.

"I know something happened," Sirius bitches. "It just doesn't matter."

"It's upsetting you," James says quietly. "C'mon, Sirius - talk to me."

"Fuck sake," Sirius mutters. "I asked him to move in with me and he said no. Happy?"

James frowns. "No, I'm not," he says. "What the hell? He's over at your place all the time, anyway."

"I know," Sirius says. "But he's not into it. It's fine."

James clearly wants to argue, but Remus and Lily are making their way back over. Remus's steps falter when he spots James and Sirius standing so close to each other, but he catches back up in time for James to say, almost too-brightly, "So. Off to Prezzo?"

"Oh yeah," Lily says, slotting herself under James' arm. "I'm starving."

"Great," James says happily, pulling Lily in to press a kiss to her temple. "Let's head out, then."

* * *

The restaurant is busy, but they booked ahead; they're shown to a booth along the back wall, and when Lily and James sit down on the same side of the table there's an awkward moment where both Sirius and Remus seem reluctant to sit next to each order. The easy atmosphere they achieved in the cinema seems to have evaporated now.

"I don't think this place was open before I moved," Sirius says, too casually, once the waiter has taken their drinks order and he has his nose buried in a menu. "What's nice?"

James and Lily share a look that neither Remus nor Sirius catch, absorbed as they are in their menus. "Well, the pasta is usually pretty good," James answers; Remus gives an interested hum. "So's their subs."

"Pasta sounds good," Sirius says. "Maybe I'll try the carbonara."

"It's usually pretty good," Remus offers, almost tentatively. "I usually get it or the veal parmigiana."

"Oh," Sirius says, his attention drawn back to the menu.

"Why don't you get one, Sirius, and Remus can get the other?" Lily suggests. "That way you can have a bit of each other's."

Sirius glances at Remus. "What do you think?"

Remus hesitates, then nods, offering Sirius a smile. "I think that sounds like a good plan."

"Okay," Sirius says, clearly surprised. "I think I'll have the carbonara then?"

"And I'll order the parmigiana," Remus confirms. 

Sirius smiles.

* * *

Dinner goes by smoothly, as does after-dinner conversation; it's not until after the check's been paid and Remus and Sirius are waiting out front for James and Lily that things go downhill once again. It starts off innocently enough. "I had a good time tonight," Remus offers. 

"Yeah," Sirius says, "me too."

"So, do you - have any plans for the holidays?" Remus asks, a bit awkwardly.

"Not really," Sirius says, glancing at Lily and James. "Probably just spend it with the Potters." He gives Remus a teasing grin. "Unless you want to take me home to meet the parents."

Remus snorts, almost like he can't help himself. " _I_ barely want to go see my parents, I'm sure you don't either."

"Oh," Sirius says, taken aback. "So you won't be spending it with them?"

"You don't have to," Lily offers. "You're more than welcome to come to James' mum's with Sirius."

"I've done that the past three years," Remus points out. "If I don't go to theirs this year, they'll just come here. I want that even less."

"Well then maybe I should go with you," Sirius says, frowning. He doesn't know much about Remus' parents; thus far he's been just as unwilling to talk about his childhood as Sirius has. "Y'know, for moral support or whatever."

"I'm only going for a day or two," Remus says. "They'd insist we stay longer if you come."

"Remus," Sirius says, supremely uncomfortable, "if you don't want me there, you can just say."

Remus shifts in place, Lily and James giving him an odd look, and he shrugs. "I just - don't want to subject either of us to my parents for longer than necessary."

"Right," Sirius says flatly. "Well, fine."

* * *

Sirius doesn't see Remus for almost a month after that. He sees him whenever he goes 'round to see James, of course, and they don't outright ignore each other, but Remus is careful to keep his distance, speaks only when spoken to and rarely smiles. He outright refuses to see Sirius on his own. Sirius doesn't know what the fuck he's done, and the confused, lost, sometimes pitying looks he gets from James and Lily tell him that they don't have any answers for him, either, but he resolves to stay quiet until he can't anymore.

It all comes to a head two days before Christmas. Sirius pops in to drop Remus' present off, hoping to spend a little time with him before the big day, and Lily tells him that Remus hasn't left his room all day. He knocks on Remus' door when he gets there and spends two hours waiting in the living room, but there's no word from him. In the end, he leaves the present outside the door, knocks again and tells Remus he loves him; this, at least, Remus responds to. But by the time Sirius gets back home, he realises he's had enough. He's hurt, he's tired, he's angry - and Remus needs to know that.

"Do you even want to be in this relationship?" he demands as soon as Remus answers the phone, without really meaning to. "Because I can be on a flight back to Australia as soon as, if that's what you want."

There's a tired sigh from the other end of the line. "No, that's not what I want. I've just been working through some things, Sirius. It's fine, I'll be back to normal soon."

"I don't think that's good enough," Sirius says, frustrated. "You've barely spoken to me for a _month_."

"I know, I know," Remus says, sounding equally frustrated. "I'm sorry, but like I said I've just been working through some things. Been preoccupied."

"Right," Sirius says. "Well, the next time you feel the need to ignore me for an entire month, give me some warning? You know, so I can tell you in advance to go fuck yourself."

It's almost audible when Remus grits his teeth. "I don't need to tell you every single little thing that goes on with me," he snaps.

"No," Sirius agrees, "but I'm your partner. I love you, and you're supposed to love me, too. That means I deserve better than to be frozen out for four weeks without an explanation."

"Maybe, but it also doesn't mean you get to poke your nose into my business when I don't want to share it."

"I haven't poked my nose into fucking anything," Sirius argues. "Have I asked you why you've been being a twat all this time?"

"No, but you keep hovering," Remus counters. "Don't think I haven't heard you asking Lily and James what's been going on."

"So I'm not allowed to be worried about you?" Sirius demands.

"No, but you need to trust that I'll tell you if it's something serious!"

" _A month_ , Remus," Sirius snaps. "What about that don't you understand?"

"It’s not the longest I've ever gone without talking to much of anyone," Remus says dismissively. "It happens sometimes."

"You've done that to your exes?" Sirius demands. "No wonder you didn't know what to do with a boyfriend by the time I came along."

"No, I don't know what to do with a boyfriend because I've never had one before, and I told you that," Remus says stiffly. "I never bothered with relationships before."

"Well if you're not willing to put the effort in, maybe you shouldn't be bothering now," Sirius retorts. "You can't do that to me, Remus. I tried to give you space and let you work whatever it is out on your own, but it's not even just this month. Things have been wrong ever since I asked you to move in with me, and then you go AWOL after I mention meeting your parents? What the fuck am I supposed to think, Remus? It feels like you don't want me."

"I do want you," Remus says, "but maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this."

"So now you're breaking up with me?" Sirius asks, feeling suddenly hollow.

Remus's sigh crackles down the line. "I don't know."

"You don't know," Sirius repeats. "Well, I suppose I'd best leave you alone to work it out then."

"Yeah," Remus says, so quietly Sirius can barely hear it. "Maybe that would be for the best."

Sirius sighs, screws his eyes shut. "Okay," he says. "I love you, Remus."

There's a hesitation, and then: "I'll talk to you later."

Then the line goes dead. 

* * *

Sirius barely sleeps that night, and when he does he dreams of his brother's face; he wakes again in the early hours of the morning and wars with himself until he can't anymore, and then he gets dressed and goes over to James'. It's barely half eight, but James answers the door at his first knock, and only then does Sirius realise he must look like a madman. "I need to see him," is all he says.

James' expression is apologetic. even as he steps back to let Sirius in. "He left last night for his parents'."

The bottom drops out of Sirius' stomach. "You what?"

"He caught a train last night," James explains. "Said something about using the late hour as an excuse to get a cheap hotel room instead of staying with his parents. He looked... Well, he looked like something else was going on, though, to be honest."

Sirius hesitates, but he can't lie. "I think we're going to break up," he admits.

James' eyes go wide. "What?"

Sirius doesn't answer until he's inside and the door is shut behind them. "He shut me out for an entire month, Prongs. He might love me, but he's not ready for this."

James sighs. "I know. We tried telling him he needed to knock it off, but... Remus gets - peculiar, I suppose, when people try to tell him what to do."

"Well, I don't suppose it matters," Sirius says, "because I'm pretty sure this speaks loud and clear." He meets James' gaze, his own eyes full of pain and confusion. "It's over. Isn't it?"

James lets out a long, slow breath. "This certainly isn't good," he admits. "I don't know about over, but... You should confront him when he gets back, day after Boxing Day. If he wants this to be over, then he needs to tell you to your face. Or if you want this to be over, then you need to tell him. Make him decide what he really wants and is willing to work for."

"You're right," Sirius says. He sighs. "I fucking hate this."

"Believe me, I'm going to have some strong words for Remus, too," James says, grim. 

"Don't," Sirius sighs. "Don't bother. We shouldn't both have to lose him."

"You're my brother, Padfoot," James says quietly. "Not even Remus gets to treat you like this and get away with it."

"Well let me talk to him first," Sirius says. "I got us into this mess."

"Seems like it's more his fault than yours," James points out, "but all right. Let me know when you've talked to him."

"I will."

* * *

As it happens, James and Lily are gone the day Remus gets back; they don't plan on being back until later that night, so Sirius heads over to their place around lunch time and waits. And waits, and waits some more, until around three in the afternoon, when the front door handle jiggles. There's the sound of a key in the lock, and then the door swings open to reveal an exhausted-looking Remus. "James? Lily? I'm home," he calls over his shoulder, turning back to re-lock the front door behind himself and his luggage. 

Sirius doesn't really know what he wants to say to Remus, how he plans to handle this, but once he sees just how tired Remus looks, he can't help himself. "Hey," he says softly, getting to his feet and approaching slowly. "Let me give you a hand."

Remus startles badly enough that he drops his keys as he turns to face Sirius, eyes wide. "What - Um. It's fine, I just, was going to take these to my room."

"And you're struggling," Sirius says. "Let me help."

Remus doesn't answer for a moment, but then he gives a sharp nod, picking up the heavier of the two suitcases. "I'll unpack later."

"All right," Sirius agrees easily, and grabs the other suitcase. "Lead the way."

Remus does; it's a quiet journey down the hall to deposit his suitcases on his bed, and once they're back in the living room, Remus hesitates before saying, "I, uh - I suppose there's a reason you're here when James and Lily aren't."

"I wanted to talk to you," Sirius says. "Didn't think you would if I didn't force your hand."

Remus's silence suggests that Sirius isn't too far off the mark. "Talk about what?"

"About us," Sirius says. "About this moonlit flit you did the other night, without bothering to tell me you were leaving."

To his credit, Remus does look and sound guilty about that. "I'm sorry. It was an impulse decision, but I still should've told you I was leaving."

"Would've been nice," Sirius agrees. "Did you feel better for it?"

Remus glances away; his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath, and when he looks at Sirius again, he admits, "No."

"So can we talk about it?" Sirius asks.

Remus visibly swallows. "Yeah. Yeah, we can."

Sirius sighs. "Okay," he says. "Why don't you sit down and I'll make us a brew?"

Remus hesitates, nods. "Okay."

Sirius comes back a few minutes later with two mugs of tea, and hands one of them to Remus before taking a seat on the sofa across from Remus' armchair. "So," he says. "Where do you want to start?"

"I'm sorry," is the answer. "For this past month as well as leaving without telling you."

"Okay," Sirius says. "Do you want to tell me what happened to make you avoid me like that?"

"It was a really bad flare," Remus admits. "At least, after we all went to the movie and dinner. It was a couple of days after that, and this one was... Worse than usual. I could barely get out of bed."

"Remus," Sirius says, pained. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus takes in a deep breath, sighs, and says, "Because I don't like people hovering over me, and it's - My parents did. All the time, when I was younger. I never had a moment to myself or got to make a decision for myself, if it wasn't my parents it was my disease. I'm not - good - now, with dealing _reasonably_ with people's concern. I get irrational."

Sirius takes a moment to process this, to search Remus' face. He's being honest, that much is obvious, and it kills Sirius. "Remus," he says carefully. "I love you. For as long as you'll let me, I'm going to keep loving you. I don't think it's about taking control away from you; I think it's about helping you to take control yourself."

Remus offers Sirius a weak smile. "I think I know that, logically," he says quietly. "Lord knows Lily's tried to drill something similar into my head for years."

"You need to let me try," Sirius tells him. "You can't just freeze me out without giving me a chance."

Remus nods, clearly still nervous. "Do you? Still want that chance?"

"If you want it, too," Sirius says. "I wasn't sure if you'd already broken up with me."

Remus shakes his head. "That's what I thought you were here to do," he confesses. "I know I don't have any right to say, but I do want that chance."

"Will you please communicate with me, tell me what's going on even if you can't let me help?"

Remus nods. "I will do my best to do that," he says; it's the best he can give Sirius right now, but he means it. "I want to do this right."

"Well," Sirius says, reaching out to take Remus' hand. "In that case, can I ask something else of you?"

Remus glances down at their hands, then back up to Sirius's face, expression more open than it's been in a while. "Yeah."

"I don't care how angry you are with me, or how much you don't want to talk to me," Sirius says, "but when I tell you I love you before we go our separate ways, will you say it back?"

Remus doesn't hesitate to nod. "Yes. I'm sorry I didn't, the last time we talked."

"It's okay," Sirius says. "I know you were angry. I just... It's important to me."

"Yeah?" Remus asks quietly, encouraging Sirius to elaborate. 

Sirius looks away. "It was the last thing I said to my brother," he confesses. "I was trying to convince him not to go with my parents to a conference being held by that homophobic, racist _cunt_ Riddle, I was _begging_ him not to go and I told him that I loved him. He told me to go fuck myself and got in the car. They died that afternoon."

Remus sucks in a sharp breath. "Oh, hell," he breathes out, twisting his hand so he can join Sirius's fingers with his own. "I'm so sorry."

Sirius squeezes. "It's okay," he says. "I'm not over it, but I've come as close to accepting it as I ever will, I think. It's just, the thought of us fighting and it ending like that, fucking kills me."

Remus gives Sirius's hand a squeeze. "I won't do that," he promises. "Whenever you say you love me, I'll say it back."

Sirius looks up at him, smiles. "I love you," he says.

"I love you, too," Remus returns, smiling as well. 

* * *

Lily and James get back around six, and walk in to find Sirius stretched out on the sofa, Remus curled up against his chest under a blanket, fast asleep. Sirius looks up and gives them a smile, but raises his finger to his lips; Remus passed out almost as soon as Sirius got his arms around him, so Sirius knows he must be exhausted. "Hi," he whispers. "Good day?"

James raises an eyebrow. "Settled things, did you?" he asks in lieu of an answer. 

"Shh," Sirius scolds, frowning. "Obviously."

James rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "I'm still having that talk with him."

"Whatever," Sirius chuckles. "Just let him sleep for now."

James relented with a smile. "Yeah, he probably needs it. His parents are nightmares."

"Have you eaten?" Sirius asks, peering at James hopefully. "I'm starving, and he will be too when he wakes up."

James shakes his head. "Nah, we haven't. Pasta okay? Just something quick."

"Sounds good," Sirius says, smiling. "I'll wake him up in a bit."

* * *

Sirius wakes up Remus when dinner is almost ready; Remus takes a quick trip to the bathroom before coming back and helping to set the table. They start eating in silence, but eventually Remus levels James with a look. "You've clearly got something on your mind," he says. "So spit it out."

James doesn't even try to lie. "I just want to know more about what's going on here," he says, "between you two."

"James," Sirius says, but James cuts him off.

"No. The last I knew about it, Sirius was convinced you'd broken up with him. Now you're cuddling on the couch. What's that about?"

Remus swallows. "I fucked up," he admits. "Badly. I know that. But I'm going to try to be better."

"How?" James asks, while Sirius drops his head into his hands with a groan. "How are you going to make sure this doesn't happen again?"

"Swallowing my pride," Remus says. "As best I can. And reminding myself that Sirius isn't my parents, and neither are you two."

"That's good," James says, nodding. "It's a start. You're my mate, Moony, but Sirius is my _brother_. This can't happen again."

"I know," Remus says earnestly. "And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it doesn't."

"All right," Sirius says, looking up. "Are we done now? Can this stop? We've both got issues, we're working on them, leave us in peace."

James opens his mouth, only to yelp when Lily pokes him in the side with the blunt end of her fork. "Leave them alone," she admonishes, even though she's clearly smiling. "Sirius is right; they're working on their issues, and that's all that matters."

Sirius gives Lily a winning smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Prongs. I adore you."

* * *

Remus and Sirius make an effort to improve things over the next couple of months; they spend a lot of time together, learning how to handle each other's quirks and habits, as well as just enjoying each other's company. It's going well. Remus is starting to let Sirius in a bit more, and Sirius is learning to give Remus space when he needs it. The one thing they haven't done yet is have sex; they've gotten close on a few occasions, but so far it just hasn't felt like the right time. There's no rush, of course, but Sirius is still hoping that changes soon - which is why, when he lets himself into Remus' bedroom one afternoon to find him naked, freshly out of the shower, Sirius thinks his luck is in.

"Well hello there, gorgeous," Sirius purrs, closing the door behind him. "Expecting company?"

"Just you," Remus says absently; he's fiddling with his phone, scrolling and poking at the screen every so often. 

Sirius falters. "Okay," he says slowly. "What are you up to?"

"Towel was irritating, don't want to try putting on clothes yet," Remus says, tension tightening the line of his body. 

_Ah._ "All right," Sirius says, moving further into the room so he can sit on the bed. "You don't mind me being here, do you?"

Remus turns his head, gives Sirius a small, genuine smile. "No. Just - careful touches."

Sirius smiles back. "Of course, love."

Remus's smile grows just the slightest bit larger. "Thanks."

They pass the first hour or so rather pleasantly, stretched out on Remus' bed while Netflix plays on the laptop resting on top of some books by their feet. But then Sirius starts to fidget. First his neck starts to hurt, so he rolls onto his side - but then his leg goes dead, and he has to roll over again and wiggle his foot to get rid of the pins and needles. Then he yawns, stretching and jostling Remus while he does so, and he glances over his shoulder to give Remus a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

Remus looks like he's trying very hard not to outright glare; he's doing an average job at best. "Just - stay on that side, alright?"

"Sorry," Sirius says again. "Am I hurting you?"

"No, just - annoying," Remus says shortly.

"Okay," Sirius says, falling still. "I'll stop."

Remus sighs. "Everything's annoying when it gets like this," he mutters by way of explanation. 

"I know," Sirius says, because he has noticed. "I'm still sorry."

Remus gives him a tight smile, and they fall quiet - for half an hour. Then Remus huffs. "Do you need a tissue?" he snaps. 

"What?" Sirius asks, looking over.

"You're breathing really loudly," Remus says, clearly annoyed. 

"Right," Sirius says, "I'm sorry. I'll... breathe softer."

Remus sighs. "Fine," he says, clearly still disgruntled. 

"Do you want me to just go?" Sirius asks, not unkindly.

Remus growls, frustrated. "No. I don't know."

"Well make your mind up," Sirius says. "What do you need?"

"I don't _know,_ " Remus repeats, voice almost a growl. 

"Right," Sirius says, sitting up. "I think it might be easier if I wasn't here."

"No!" Remus protests, eyes wide as he reaches for Sirius. "No, I - _you_ aren't the problem. You're helping, I swear. More than annoying."

Sirius sighs as he slips his hand gently into Remus'. "Love," he says, "I don't want to make anything worse."

"You're helping," Remus insists. "I'm just easily annoyed by _everything_ right now. It'll pass."

Sirius gives Remus' hand a squeeze. "Can I hold you?" he asks. "Or would that be too much?"

Remus shakes his head. "You can hold me," he says with a smile. 

Sirius smiles back, relaxes back onto the bed. "Then c'mere."

Remus doesn't need anymore encouragement than that; he's careful when moving over, but he gets himself situated with minimal discomfort. "I'm sorry for snapping," he murmurs.

"It's okay," Sirius soothes. "I understand."

"Still," Remus hums. "I love you."

Sirius kisses the top of Remus' head. "I love you, too."

* * *

They decide that Sirius will spend the night, but when it becomes apparent that Remus is still suffering, and that he's exhausted to boot, Sirius tucks him up in bed and offers to spend some time with James. Remus gives him a tired but grateful smile, and Sirius backs out slowly, hoping that a good night's sleep is just what he needs.

Lily's out for the evening with some friends, so James and Sirius hang out for a few hours in the living room, drinking a couple of beers and watching TV. They call it a night just before Lily is due to return, Sirius eager to check on Remus and James fully intending to jump on Lily as soon as she walks through the door. Sirius creeps into the bedroom, expecting Remus to be asleep by now, and is surprised when he finds Remus sitting up in bed, his head in his hands.

"Love," Sirius sighs, coming closer but stopping just shy of the bed. "Why are you still up?"

"Because I can't sleep," Remus says, rolling his eyes. "Can't during the worse flares."

"So it's really bad?" Sirius asks quietly.

Remus nods. "Just got worse."

Sirius sighs again. "You should've called for me."

"You were having fun with James," Remus protests. "I could handle how bad it was then."

"And now?" Sirius asks.

Remus bites his lip before admitting, "I would've called for you soon. Maybe texted you."

Sirius' heart aches. "Okay," he says. "What do you need?"

"Could you get my meds?" Remus asks, a bit tentatively. "They're in the bathroom, top drawer left of the sink."

"Of course," Sirius says, already halfway to the door. He's in and out of the bathroom in a flash, and returns with three different prescriptions in Remus' name. "Which ones?"

Remus points out the bottles, telling Sirius how many pills from each, and then he dry-swallows them. "Hopefully they'll help enough to let me sleep."

"Do they not always?" Sirius asks, perching tentatively on the edge of the bed.

Remus shakes his head. "Unfortunately. Insomnia and I are well-acquainted."

"Well I'll stay up with you," Sirius says. "I can just sit on the floor if you can't have me near you."

Remus shakes his head. "You can be near, just - No touching," he explains. "Everything's pins and needles right now."

"All right," Sirius says, nodding. "Is there anything else I can do?"

Remus gives him a smile. "Company is enough. I won't blame you if you fall asleep, though."

Sirius' expression softens. "Remus," he says, "I'm here. I might not be able to stay up every time it gets this bad, but you don't have to do it alone."

"I'm still getting used to that," Remus confesses. 

"I know," Sirius says gently. "But I'm here for that, too."

* * *

They somehow make it through the entirety of Remus' flare-up unscathed. It's not easy, and there are moments when Remus' frustration with his condition and Sirius almost reaches breaking point, but Sirius reacts as best he can with patience and love, and for the most part it seems to do the trick. They definitely emerge from the worst of it stronger, more certain of each other and their relationship.

They're hanging out at the flat a few weeks later, the four of them having voted unanimously to migrate here after spending the day putting the finishing touches on Grimmauld Place. Sirius and Remus are sprawled out on the sofa, Remus lounging lazily against Sirius' chest, while Lily sits on the floor with her back against James' armchair. "Is there anything left you need to do now, Sirius?" Lily asks casually.

"Not really," Sirius answers. "Need to pick out some curtains, but that's about it, really."

Lily smiles, twists to gaze lovingly up at James. "Then perhaps while we've got the momentum going we should start thinking about the nursery."

James's expression goes equally sappy, while Remus aims a half-hearted glare their way that goes mostly unnoticed. "We should," James agrees heartily. "I was thinking maybe a woodland theme?"

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Honestly Prongs, sometimes I think you're the gay one," he teases. "But as good as all this sounds, aren't we forgetting something?"

"What?" Lily asks.

"Err, the fact that you've already got someone living in the nursery?"

James opens his mouth, but Remus beats him to it. "Actually, I told them to go ahead and start planning," he says. "They don't need to start remodeling for a while yet, and by then I'm hoping... Well, I'm hoping I'll have a new place."

"Oh," Sirius says, and he has no idea what his face is doing. "Oh, okay."

James's face does something odd, and then he's standing and tugging Lily to her feet. "Love, I've been meaning to ask you to help me take a look at the fridge; it's been acting oddly," he says insistently. 

Lily rolls her eyes, but gets to her feet. "You're not subtle," she says, and turns to look at Remus. "Tell him."

Sirius waits until their friends have left the room before he turns to Remus. "Tell me what?"

Remus sits up so he can face Sirius, takes a deep breath before admitting, "I've been looking for another flat, just in case your offer wasn't still on the table."

"My offer," Sirius repeats. "The offer to move in with me?"

Remus nods. "I wasn't sure if you still wanted me to, so I wanted to have a backup plan, just in case."

"When were you going to ask me?" Sirius wonders.

"Next time I got a chance," Remus answers, casting a glare towards the kitchen. "James just forced my hand."

Sirius smiles. "Then ask."

Remus takes a deep breath, then: "Do you still want me to move in with you?"

Sirius' smile widens into a grin. "Love, of course I do."

"Really?" Remus asks, hopeful. 

"What're you questioning him for?" James shouts from around the corner. "Accept it and get out so we can start decorating."

Sirius laughs and pulls Remus back into his arms. "How soon can you move in?"

Remus goes willingly, grumbling under his breath for a moment before he answers, "Assuming the prat hasn't already packed my shit, maybe a couple of days?"

"Really?" Sirius asks. "That quickly?"

Remus shrugs. "I don't have a whole lot to pack up," he points out. "Changing address and everything can be done after I've moved in."

"True," Sirius says, grinning. "Okay. Let's do it."

* * *

"Fucking hell," Remus groans, flopping onto the couch. "Let's not do that again anytime soon, yeah?" He grunts when Kreacher jumps onto his stomach, but starts obligingly petting the elderly cat. 

Sirius laughs as he sinks into the adjacent armchair, not stupid enough to try the couch with Kreacher so close. "Fine by me," he says. "I thought you said you didn't have a lot of stuff?"

"That's what I _thought,_ " Remus whines. "Apparently I've accumulated more junk than I thought."

Sirius gives him an indulgent smile. "Well, luckily for you, darling, my house is fucking massive."

"Thank fuck," Remus mutters, giving Kreacher a skritch under the chin. "Though if we ever have kids, it'd probably be an even better thing."

Sirius raises an eyebrow "Kids?"

Remus shrugs, cheeks pinking. "Just thinking out loud. Maybe one day, way off in the future?"

"What if they hate me as much as Kreacher does?" Sirius asks.

Remus smiles. "One, I don't think that's possible, and two, you get along great with kids. Besides, we'll get plenty of practice with James and Lily's spawn; that should help us decide if parenting is for us."

Sirius' expression softens into something extremely soppy. "I can't wait to meet that kid," he says. "He's gonna be fantastic."

"Long as he gets Lily's brains," Remus snickers. 

"Doesn't matter," Sirius says with absolute conviction. "I'll love him anyway."

"Well duh, but the world can only take so many Prongses," Remus laughs. 

Sirius sniffs, offended. "Says you."

Remus grins. "I'm sure Lily would agree with me."

Sirius gives him an indulgent smile. "Yes, dear."

Remus sticks his tongue out at Sirius, but his grin widens. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yes," Sirius says, laughing. "I love you, too."

Remus grins, picking up Kreacher and moving him off his lap. "Sorry, mate; I've got to go kiss my boyfriend," he laughs when the cat grumbles at him. 

Kreacher even hisses at Sirius as he slinks from the room, but Sirius doesn't even look at him, just reaches for Remus. Remus takes his hand, tangling their fingers together as he settles in Sirius's lap; he pauses for a moment, seemingly just reveling in their closeness, before he leans in for the promised kiss. 

It's soft, and sweet, and everything Sirius needs after a long day hauling boxes and unpacking, the two of them working tirelessly to make his dingy old house into a _home_. "I'm so glad you're here," he murmurs, one hand cradling Remus' face. "Thank you."

Remus smiles, leaning into Sirius's touch. "Thank _you_ for putting up with all my shit," he returns. 

"Always," Sirius promises, laughing. "For the rest of my life, if you'll have me."

Remus smiles, slow and soft. "I think that sounds like a pretty good deal."

Sirius' breath catches, and his own smile is full of wonder. "Okay," he says. "Deal."


End file.
